Exciting news!

Something great just happened...and it couldn't of happened at a better time - even though things really aren't that bad right now. I just got word from my instructor - with a few small tweaks, my story is ready to start being submitted! She even gave me a place where I should start to submit it. It's an online magazine that's fairly new but she thinks it will take of and be very successful. She knows the editor and thinks that it would be a good opportunity for me to break into the business. I'm so excited about it that I don't want to work right now and just want to go home, make some changes and submit it right away! That's how excited I am! But I do have to work and it is a fairly busy day so it will have to wait. Plus, the guys that are going to set up the new computer won't be there until later today so I can't write or fix anything. But at least its a small step in the right direction - both in my writing and my life-path. :-)

Well, I really better get back to work. I just couldn't hold this excitement in; I had to do something and this is quick, easy and only takes a few moments out of my day. :-) Woo Hoo!

My life is full, I think

I know this is the second time already today but I just had a thought (and I have nothing to do at the moment at work): My life is full, I think. I mean, looking at what I have in my life, I should be extremely happy (even with the frequent, "You should go on e-harmony.com" comments from my mom). I have a family who loves me and helps me even when they don't have to. I have friends in at least four states and one other country. I have a car, a job (though temporary), my health and have found my Savior. So why do I still get depressed at times? I'm not now; and I know that I want to have a family one day and want to get my thoughts out on paper for people to read - but I have everything else. So why do I , and people like me, still get depressed at times? What is it that we truly long for? Am I really longing for love, in a romantic way? To be honest, I'm a little scared of it. I have waited a long time; and I don't want to fall in love with the wrong person. But I want to love and be loved (and no, I'm not talking about sex; that isn't love - it's a physical expression between a husband and a wife, of which, yes, I really do want to have some day - with my husband).

I just realized why I'm having these thoughts: a friend of mine had two dates last weekend. I was a little jealous, I admit it. Another friend of mine just announced that he's engaged. So I guess my question is why haven't I even found someone I truly want to date and that who truly wants to date me? LOL! I'm so all-over-the-place at times. I just remembered that in my last entry I was so okay with not having someone because I don't have time. And now, here I am talking about how I question why I don't. It's so funny to be me sometimes. And no, I'm not blonde (no offense to those who are; but it is a well-observed stereotype and I have blonde friends who don't take any offense to it and actually use it to their advantage). I'm a proud brunette who thinks too much sometimes and talks way too much. However, I'm sticking to my story about the talking thing: I really do think God gave me a quota of words to say everyday. So if anyone has a problem, they need to take it up with Him. Plus, I think better when I'm talking; it helps me to work it out in my head. I don't know why I have to do things this way, but I do.

None of this means that I'm super-intelligent or super-stupid. It just means that sometimes I try to rationalize things to the point that I forget why I was concerned by it in the first place. Things need to be simple. And isn't it the simple answers that always end up being the best answers to our questions? :-)

Just FYI

I had a very productive weekend. My stepdad and I moved some of my stuff over to the house on Saturday. It may have only been one load but it was so nice to come home to a slightly sparse townhouse and see that things have started to get going. Pretty much everything in my townhouse is mine; my roommate has very few items in it (besides what is in her room). I hope to move the majority of the rest of my furniture this next Saturday. I hope that I can find some people to help. I don't want my stepdad and I doing everything.

I spent most of the day with my parents on Sunday. We went to lunch to celebrate Father's Day, looked at computers for them at Best Buy (I'm inheriting their old one - YES!), and then Dave and I went to see "Batman Begins." He wanted to see it and I didn't mind seeing it again so we went. He enjoyed it. It was nice to do something with him on Father's Day. Though, I did think that my dad probably misses being with us (Aaron and I) on Father's Day. It's been a long time since that happened. It's another thought that has further encouraged me to wait for hte right person. I do not want my kids to go through what I went through. I know that I cannot control anything but I can control who I date and who I marry.

And, I'm sorry, Mom, but I just can't go out with any guy. It's not how I'm wired. And I'm not too old. My generation is waiting because we've seen what's happened with the divorce rate from previous generations and we've learned to be patient. And, if God really does want me to meet the love of my life through the internet, then He'll lead me there. Right now, I have no inclination from Him to pursue that. To pursue a family, yes. But on His timeline, not my mom's or mine or anyone else's. Yes, it's hard to have to wait so long but I know in my heart that it will be right when He says it's time. And that doesn't mean that the next guy I seriously date will be the one. It just means that I'll be ready to pursue a relationship; whether or not he turns out to be my soulmate. And, really, there is no one right now that lights my socks on fire in any way. Not even a small attraction. Plus, I'm too busy right now trying to get my finances right (my life in order); if it's going to happen now it's going to have to happen so plainly that it's like a 2x4 hitting me in the head. :-)

Anyway, enough about that. I'm tired of having that conversation. All I want is to get out of debt and into my own place in the next two years. I want to get published; even if it's only one story. I hope it's more than just one; but I'll settle for one right now. That means that I need to start submitting ones that I have and get ready to be rejected many times before one of them is accepted.

Here's to developing a thick skin, which I don't have right now. :-)

Batman Begins...the Best of the Best

Seriously! Wow! Great movie. Great direction. Great performances. All-around great movie. I saw the first showing last night, expecting only something a little better than the previous three. I was blown away. It's a great interpretation and representation of who Batman is and should always be portrayed. In my opinion, it was the best of the recent five movies. I rank them 5, 1, 3, 2, 4. And, yes, Christian just edged Michael Keaton as the best Batman. He just was so believable as having a dark side and a compassionate side. Compassion was easy to see in Keaton; dark-side, not so much.

And, can I say that he was so hot? I know he's married and has a kid but that doesn't mean that the rest of us can't appreciate his appearance. I am not lusting in any way after him; you just can't help but notice his "hotness." And it's about time he started getting some credit for his skills. He is a great actor; and I so hope that he continues to choose roles that distinguish him as a great actor. He can carry a film by himself, if he has the right script. But, to me, I think he's made some mediocre films bearable because of his dedication to the character he is portraying. I hope, too, that we can see him in more movies - but I also wish for him to have a lot of time with his young family. Or at least, through what I think will be his breakout performance celebrity-wise (everyone already knows he's underrated as an actor), I hope he and his family will stay strong and not allow the outside world to touch their most precious commodity - each other.

One last time - AWESOME MOVIE! Y'all need to go see it. :-)

Malibu and Paul Walker

No, I'm not going there. In fact, come to think about it, I've actually never been there and I lived in CA most of my life. But I did just return from Malibu Grill, a restaurant here in Bloomington. One of the sales reps I work for took me out for lunch. It was nice. We got to know each other and came to realize that our lives parallel in many ways. She is from Southern Indiana and ended up working in San Francisco for a few years. Like myself, she longed to return to her home of Indiana and the Midwest (well, technically, I longed to get out of CA but you can see the similarity in it). She loved going to Monterey; also a great love of mine. She's the surprising rebel of her family, too - just like me. We're easy going and good women but have always longed to fly the coop, as it were. Sorry, I live in Indiana now so my lingo is much more country. :-) And this is only a blog; I don't have to be grammatically correct if I don't want to. :-) So, it was very nice to find so many similar experiences with a new friend. :-)

The other two exciting things right now for me are so minimal but have made this day so easy to live in. The first is that I just bought the Backstreet Boys new CD, "Never Gone." It's awesome! Their vocals are so much more mature and the musicality is at a much higher level. It's definitely not cookie cutter pop like some of the previous albums were (I say some because not all of their previous four CD's were this way; I thought Black and Blue was a nice break from the previous two CD's). But Never Gone is so great because each song is different and holds its own; and yet they work together nicely as one CD. Kudos, guys! I'm a bigger fan than ever. :-) I can't wait till work is over so I can listen to it again.

The other exciting thing is that Batman Begins comes out tonight. Christian Bale is my favorite actor; I've even seen movies he's made that I should never have seen because of their graphic content - namely American Psycho. He did a great job in that movie but that wasn't a movie for me at all. It still creeps me out. Anyway, I've also been a big fan of the Batman films. Though I still think that Michael Keaton was the best Batman to date (even with Batman Returns on his resume), I've enjoyed all the Batman movies, including all the villians (minus the Penguin) and the atmosphere of each movie. I'm even more excited for this one because Christian is in it and I think he can bring the respect back that some people (namely critics) have taken away from it - and he's hot.

Speaking of hot actors, there is one that just gets me every time he is on the screen: Paul Walker. As a Christian girl, I continually have to thank the Good Lord for making such a fine man and move on. But it is very hard sometimes to stop those unholy thought processes. I've even watched some bad movies because he was in them. But, to his credit, the reason why they were bad was not because of his acting. Sometimes the writing is to blame; and that's hard to say coming from someone who wants to be a writer. Don't think too bad of me and my thoughts, though. It isn't as if we do bad things in my thoughts; it's just that lust is lust no matter what is involved. And to think about a guy for extended periods of time who is not your significant other is being lustful (even if you don't have one at the time, which is my current situation). So, of late, I've said many a prayer for the specific purpose of stopping my lustful thoughts and in each one I've thanked the Lord for making such a fine-looking man. You see, it's okay to look but that's it. To dwell upon something like this is not a good thing; and it isn't healthy. :-) But I had to be honest and I had to say something about my recent "sinfulness." Maybe now I can stop thinking so much about him - and I think staying away from MTV would help. They keep playing the movie awards over and over, and the only thing I really watch in them is who was voted best kiss - this year, he happened to be one of the presenters for Best Kiss. Let's put it this way, I've purposely watched the whole thing to know where in the show this award comes so I can watch it during reruns. Yeah, sad, I know. I'm honest. I know it's pathetic; he's just so good looking. :-)

And he reminds me of the things that I do miss about CA: the beach and the mountains...and the weather. The great thing about the Midwest is that you actually have all 4 seasons. Count them...1, 2, 3, 4 seasons. Not 1 1/2. It's so pretty here; but I could definitely do without the thunderstorms, as you well know. I want to take a long weekend in the next month to go to the beach in Monterey but with the long flight and my work schedule, it wouldn't even be worth the cost - to me. To a rich person, maybe. To me, it's too costly - especially since right now I don't have any money to spend on vacation. Just on bills, the Backstreet Boys and Batman. :-) Guess I need to light my ocean water-scented Yankee candle tonight, huh? I can at least similate the beach. :-)

Day 8: Then end of my first official week

It's official! I have completed my first full week at my new, albeit temporary, job. It was a crazy day, too! But with deadlines, it makes the time go much quicker. I stayed through lunch and can go home, I htink. However, my supervisor isn't here and I'm not sure if the 9-5 thing is literal; I do know that I'm supposed to only work for 7 hours. So I'm not sure what to do; I decided to write on my blog instead.

It stormed here an hour ago pretty good. But it's light rain now and looks like there aren't too many more storms coming through. At least, I hope there isn't. I want to go home and relax. I had plans to go out but I really need to be inside working on my story and going over my finances. I need to sleep tonight; and even though I know that I'll be okay, I just couldn't get it out of my head last night so I barely slept. So once I get those two "headaches" out of the way, I'll feel much better. In fact, the idea of going to the farmer's market tomorrow is so much more appealing. I am so craving fresh veggies! Of course, that could be because I'm dying to use my grill and I love grilling vegetables for sandwiches or as sides to other grilled dishes. :-)

So, though today was crazy, it was fun. Now, I am so excited for the weekend. I want to do lots of fun stuff and just relax. And I can't wait until I start swimming again. I just have to sign up for the next membership at the Y when my mom can come with me; we're going to go in together on it since I'm moving in with her and my stepdad in a month. I'll have my own little apartment in the basement and save money (and pay down debts). Then, in a year, I hope to have my own place (will still probably have to rent for awhile; one year isn't long enough to get out of debt but enough to pay it down) and a full-time job. I just don't know if that's going to be in Bloomington or not. Only God knows that and he isn't giving it up. :-)

End of day 7

It's the end of my seventh day at my new job. Things are going well. I even got my first paycheck today; it's only 3 days worth though since the pay period ended last Friday. I get paid every other Thursday, so my first full check will be two weeks from today. :-)

The great thing about this job is that I am busy and it's fairly simple to do. Yes, there's a lot of deadlines but it's very strict so clients can't be late. Totally different than at the church. Nobody every acknowledged the deadlines. It was very hard. I know that Emily is now experiencing that headache. But, at times, I really feel that they never utilized me very well so that I wasn't able to apply all my knowledge. Instead, they gave it to someone else and used me in a way that didn't cater to my strengths but my weaknesses. It's no wonder I ended up hating my job. Working here (though it's in advertising), I realize that I am good at what I went to school for. I know now that I would've done much better if I were given the opportunity to really prove myself; I never got that. I was just the "coordinator" and never trusted to use my skills. I mean, I had four or five meetings with our personnel director explaining to him all the things that needed to be done but without given any authority, I couldn't do them. He seemed to be behind me but if he was, my other two employers weren't enough to take his advice. Anyway, I'm feeling much better about myself and my skills; what I've been taught. I mean, I've been in journalism since 10th grade and I studied it for 4 of the 5 1/2 years that I was in college. I need to trust my instincts and my knowledge. If you think about it, they actually lost a good source to take them to the next level. But, then again, Jason always wanted to that himself so I never had a chance really. Oh well. I didn't want to work there much longer anyway. I just can now see that I'm more valuable than I give myself credit for.

Anywho, I don't think this ad is going to get to me soon so I might as well go home. It will have to wait until tomorrow (it's an important one so I was trying to wait to get it and send the proof out tonight but I'm half an hour past when I'm supposed to leave so I can't really stay any longer). See ya! :-)

New job, new outlook, new life

Have you ever wondered why you are where you are? I have...and it's frustrating so I'm not going to do it anymore. Why? Because I will never truly know. I just need to know that I'm there...where I am right now. I don't have to know why. If I did, I may not want to be here because I'm human and can't see truly through God's eyes; it's why I need faith. And right now I have a lot of that to go around.

I like my new job; it's busy, the people are fun, and it's interesting. Do I want to do this forever? No. I know that for sure. Do I want to be here longer than 2-5 months? Probably not. Do I like it? Yes. Again, it's constantly moving, keeping me interested and busy, and I love the people I'm working with. It's about to get crazy, too, since we're up against some deadlines, but I like crazy - just not everyday crazy. :-)

And can you believe that I've made a few more decisions? Yes, actual decisions have been made by me! I can't believe it either. Anywho, the first of which is that I'm not going to worry about painting walls or the like at my parents. It's too much pressure in the next four weeks. I have to continue looking for full-time jobs and deciding on the right color to paint the wall, for me, would take at least two weeks - let alone actually getting it painted before I move in. So that's decision one (thanks, friend, for helping me with this decision). :-)

Decision Two is that I'm going to look for a job for the next year here around Bloomington. My top priority is getting myself more stable in as many ways as possible. I fully realize that I can't get completely stable, but I can help my situation reach the next level towards stability. In order to do that I need to stay where I'm at and work at it where I'm at. :-) It makes life so much easier when you can work out your problems in the same place; moving them somewhere else (let's say another city or state) doesn't fix them; they just move with you.

So, Bloomington, I'm here for at least another year so be prepared. :-) Of course, there is that small chance that the DREAM OPPORTUNITY could fall in my lap but, with my luck, I'm not holding my breath. :-)

I'll just be super happy if I can pay down my debt by at least a 1/3 (preferably by 1/2) and have a good sum of money in my savings by July 2006. This is my goal; and to take a one week vacation to London to visit my friend Leslie in July 2006. That's it. And, if I think about it, it's a lot but I can do it. I have the support system to do it. :-)