Precious Thoughts

As I'm sitting here eating the remainder of the enchilada meat and watching TV, my head is trying to find it's way around, through, up, over and under all the thoughts that are running through my head after watching the movie Precious a bit earlier this evening. To say that it was intense, well, it isn't exactly the right word. So I went to my thesarus and looked up the word intense to see if I could find a more appropriate word: consuming, emotional, fervent, profound, vehement, and many more. There still are no words better so I'll just classify it as such: intense!

If you decide to go see it, just be warned of it's intensity. Though it's "profound" by nature, and some of the themes are difficult for some people to sit through, I do suggest that those who can stomach it go to see it.

That out of the way, I'm moving on from the intensity of the themes to the intensity of the characters and the actors who portrayed them. Of this, I am led to blog about. I have a very big appreciation right now for the art of acting/performance. People who decide to do this for a living and have to portray such overwhelming characters - often opposite of who they are themselves in "real life" - deserve a huge amount of respect and admiration for their craft, whether they get millions for it or a few hundred dollars. The performances on the screen tonight were so brilliant and had to cause the persons portraying the characters a large amount of physical, emotional, mental and even spiritual work. In particularly, I am personally impressed with the work of Monique, who was mother to Precious...though the term mother should be loosely used towards her character.

The gift that Monique, and others in her chosen profession, possess is incredible. I know some people out there may not see it as "work" or maybe even as a "fluff" profession. What I believe is that I know if I had to do what Monique did in that movie, well, I would fail miserably. I could not be able to stomach it or myself. In fact, as my friend was driving us home on the snowy streets of Bloomington, I told her that I'd have to go home everyday and take a shower to wash the character off of me and attempt to wash her out of my mind in the process.

That got me to thinking how many of us have such overwhelming gifts that we're either using or squandering. Though I thoroughly hated the character, I love Monique even more now. I appreciate her gift, her craft. And I think about what I love to do and what I want to do with that and how my gift can affect others like theirs affects me.

I've always known that one of my gifts is that of imagination. I can imagine almost anything, good and bad. In traumatic times, my imagination can be pretty volatile - down right intense, to use one of the words of the evening. In positive times, it is uplifting and creative and inspires. But I think that a lot of us, me included and maybe even whoever you are that is reading this, tend to focus on the intense, volatile times...and sometimes we just can't get past it so we stay in the same patterns that we've always been in.

Tonight, I was reminded again that we are to be who we are and we are to do the best with what we've been given - not to take advantage of it. I know that I have to also appreciate the status in life that I've been given. Real or not, Precious had a much rougher life than I ever had or maybe will ever have. The mere fact that I sit where I'm sitting right now and am writing on this laptop, while the TV is on, a half a glass a wine six inches from my typing fingers and a comfy couch makes me pretty lucky compared to Precious' situation. I for one don't want to take advantage of what I've been given...and have just made a new goal for myself: by this time next year, I will be successful in some of my goals and in the process of being successful in the rest.

That is an I WILL, not an I HOPE. For I want to be like Precious, too.

Friends and regrets

The dishes in the dishwasher are put away, the dirty ones are now in the dishwasher and the beef enchilada filling is cooking in the slow cooker. I'm now sitting on my couch, my 49er blanket on my lap, watching a TV show and a plethora of thoughts suddenly came to me that I have to write down.

I had a great weekend...okay, so most of my days right now are like an extended weekend because I'm not working at the moment...because I spent it with a lot of friends. The only two friends I think I didn't see was April & Jason (well, of the ones that I'm closest with, anyway). Each event had it's own fun little theme to it and it got me to thinking. I truly have a very different, amazing, ecclectic, intelligent, talented, supportive, strong, faithful group of friends. There are so many ways that we are similar and so many ways that we're all very, very different. The journey that I've been on with them has been surreal at times....in good and bad ways. There have been hills, vallies, mountains, deep waters, straight and curvy roads...but they all have been marked with growth, sometimes together and sometimes apart.

I have to admit that I haven't always "rolled with the punches" or taken any changes well. But I don't have any regrets...and that's what inspired me to write this. I think we all wish that we made certain decisions that we didn't...it would've saved us a lot of heartache. But then we would have stunted our growth....so I don't regret anything.

What I do want though is to always keep in mind who my friends really are - that I always treat them with respect for being different or the same as me in ways...that I accept them always for who they are and not who I want them to be. That would be very selfish, and very human, for me to do or want.

And I hope that - no I know that - my friends feel the same about me. I am accepted for who I am, whether I change or stay the same.

I guess that I'm a little sentimental today after such a "friendly" weekend. I could possibly find a job elsewhere, far away from anyone I know. That's scary but something that many times I'm starting to believe: she's told me that I have a wonderful ability to make good friends wherever I go and she's been a witness to that firsthand. As I think about the friends I've made, there have only been a handful that were not good friends. For the most part, I am surrounded by a lot of amazing people. I see now that I've always had that blessing, not just here in Indiana.

So wherever I end up, I know there will be friends there - they just don't know me yet. :-)

Football vs. Soccer

Okay, so I'm a 33 yr. old petite woman who still loves sports. I have my favorites (which a lot of my friends oppose...and that's the nice way of saying it) just like everyone else. But I don't actually know exactly why I love one sport more than another. Some just entertain me and some don't.

What's funny about being 33 and not knowing this is that a 4 yr. old knows exactly why he hates football and why he loves soccer (futbol, for those who aren't American). I asked him why he wasn't wanting to watch the Colts game with his mom and I. He said, "I hate football. I hate all sports. I only like soccer." I asked him why. "Because I only like to kick." I laughed pretty hard. If you happen to know this 4 yr. old, you would've laughed too because he does like to kick...hence that's why he likes soccer over football, or any other sport.

Hmmm...sometimes I wonder if we just need to think like a 4 yr. old. As adults, we tend to make things much more complicated than it needs to be. Kids just like things and do things because they like them. So why is it so hard for us to do the same? Even God asked us to come to Him like little children. Why? Because the best things and the most worthy things in life are the simple things, the little things. Life is not supposed to be a calculus problem. It's supposed to be simple addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. And yet, we try to come up with complicated formulas to figure out the most basic things in life.

Do something because you like it.
Do something because you're good at it.
Do something because it helps someone.
Do something because it's right.
Do something because it makes you or others happy.
Do something because it makes this world a better place.

Don't ask the same questions over and over.
Don't think for days or months or years on end.
Don't just plan.
Don't wait.
Don't keep making the same list.

I think Nike said it best: Just do it.

Go for it. Reach for it. Grab it. Make it yours.

So much power in so many little words...and yet we miss the message. I missed the message.

Not anymore. Not in 2010....or 2020....or 2030...or 2040...or 2050...or even after, assuming I'm still alive after that. I will be 74 in 2050; that's a neat thing to think about. I hope by then I'll look back at 2010 and see that I changed my life for the better and lived a life with fewer regrets than before because...

...I just did it. I found my soccer and I just kept kicking. :-)