Journal 3: Beginnings (not very good ones)

Okay, so here's the first little "excerpt." Well, we can't really call it that because it's just the beginning. I know this whole section will be re-written to read much better. It's the relationship that I want the reader to see in this small passage. The next time you read it, it'll actually have literary qualities. Until then, this'll do:

"...Yes, he has a wife and two kids – who haven’t seen him in four years. He’s missing, though you won’t see his face on a milk carton. His family has moved on without him; Jake, now 9, and Riley, 5, have grown up without him. Riley doesn’t even remember Michael; he was too young when Michael went missing. Jake is a different story altogether. Jake looks over his shoulder everyday, wishing/hoping to see his father. Michael and Jake were inseparable. Jake loved Michael and Michael loved Jake. If they weren’t father and son biologically, they would have somehow found a way to have a father/son relationship."

So that last line is really bad but I just wrote it so it's supposed to be. Whatcha think so far though? Here's another excerpt from the same story:

"...Fit and attractive, yes, she was that; but it was more so mentally. Not necessarily a book genius, Ellen possesses qualities that allow her to control almost anything or anyone. There really is no end to her abilities. She works hard but it comes naturally, too. There are just things that she can do that no one else can, literally."

So that needs work, too, but you can see how complex of a story I'm trying to put together. There's a lot of characters; I know I'll have take some out to make the story not so croweded. So far, three more characters have come to life in the last four hours that I did not expect. They are good; the original idea is still there but it's also morphing into something that is almost incomprehensible to me with the inclusion of these characters. Which, if you think about it, is a very good thing. It's better that things keep expanding upon each other rather than stopping in their tracks. Some call it writer's block; I call it a bad story - or a bad tangent of a good story. I'm hoping these characters turn the story into a novel - that would be a good tangent of a good story. I wouldn't mind that one bit.