Late start

I haven't posted anything on my blog, as you can see, for 3 months and 22 days. I've been a little busy. A lot of things have happened since then, too. Yeah, it's a new year but I think my new year started way before tradition. All these things I'm about to expunge to this website have nothing to do with new years resolutions - they're just life observances.

First, I'm so glad to have made certain decisions last year that, while I actually made them, I was still doubtful. How can you make a decision that you doubt even while making it? These, it seems, are the only kind I know how to make. Today, I sit before you typing and know that at least one of those was the right decision. Although financially I may be in a bind, it's necessary for me to "grow up" and "move up" from who I am and where I am in life. I'm moving out; no more roommates. It's not that I don't like my roommate; we're both working hard to make sure we continue to be friends after I move out. But there are some differences between us at our life points right now. It isn't fair for either of us to impose upon the other. Compromise is a great thing; until one feels the other is making them do it too much - which I believe is what has started to happen with both of us.

I can't really afford to go it on my own but I have to; it is the only way for me to truly learn to stand on my own once and for all. Make no mistake; I do not want to do so forever. I know that God has given me the desire to have a family, husband and all. But I have to make some "sins" right before that can happen. One of those is pulling myself out of debt. It's high but rather statistical. I am part of the majority of Americans - in debt, that is. But it only takes discipline, desire and patience to fix it. And I have to develop a lot of all of those beginning this year. I fully know that it will take a few years to succeed; I just don't want to wait any longer to start the process.

I have also begun a healthier lifestyle for two reasons: to finally get a handle on my lower back and upper neck injury, and treat my temple as it should be treated. God gave me this body to take care of for a short period of time. I need to treat it as God would. And, it seems, as I have changed what I eat, my body is rejecting the foods that are unhealthy. I can't have a sandwich at a fast food restaurant anymore without getting naucious. That's pretty telling. I'm not a health nut by any means but I have been paying particular attention to the food pyramid and you know what I found out - it works! By golly, it really works! And since I've given up soda pretty much completely, I'm drinking bad drinks way less and water way more. I actually feel better and don't snack as much since doing so. I had a little relapse today though; I was craving protein and flavor so I stopped by Wendy's and ordered a Spicy Chicken Sandwich - my favorite. However, I'm naucious now. All that grease and super spicy stuff isn't good for me and that's what my body is reminding me of at this moment.

I have to stop here and change the subject. There's something that has been bothering me. I haven't been able to see my friends to talk to them about it and I really have to get it off my chest, so here goes:

I was contacted through e-mail from a friend of mine that I haven't seen since the day after he came out of a coma over three years ago. We e-mailed for awhile after he recovered but he kinda stopped responding over a year ago (maybe two years by now). I'm not sure what to make of it. He said, and I quote, "I know we haven't talked in forever but I really valued your friendship and I don't want to lose contact with you." Really? Why now? I e-mailed him back, opening by saying, "I didn't continue to e-mail you because I figured that if you wanted to keep in contact, you'd know how to get a hold of me. I'm always here for my friends, past or present. :-) " And I am - but he hasn't responded back yet. I fear that our friendship, while it was close back then, will never be that way again. And I've had too many friendships fall by the wayside because though I was willing to "be a friend to make a friend," they didn't do the same. I don't want to be a doormat - especially to him. We were close. He could talk to me about stuff and I could talk to him. It was one of those guy-girl relationships that didn't have to be romantic to work. At one point, we both felt that way but it was obvious that our relationship wasn't going that way. For one thing, I was not interested in being with someone that didn't totally and completely know where he stood with God; and for two, he got in a bad car accident and almost died. Like I said, I haven't actually seen him since the day he woke up from his coma - 13 days after his initial accident. That was a big sign. But I miss him; I miss our friendship and just the person who he is; I like being around him, as most people did and probably still do. But I don't want to be dragged through an e-mail relationship like the one we had after his accident. It's too hard. It would be hard if he just stopped responding again, like maybe he already has. I know he's a boy and that's just how they are. But I look at friends differently; especially ones that I was close with or am close to. And he was one of those so I expect more than just an e-mail every couple months or couple years saying "I valued your friendship and don't want to lose contact." Hasn't that already happened?

I'm trying not to be harsh in my decisions but life has been harsh to me lately. And a friend not really connecting back to me really isn't very helpful. I don't know; maybe I'm just thinking to much. I'm just scared that this person that I truly loved is still able to hurt me - and I don't want that to happen again. I've lost too many friendships in my life for me to allow it to continue - and this one would be hard to lose - again.

Okay, so now that that's off my chest, I feel a little better. But I know I won't feel completely better until I take it to God. I really need to pray about it seriously. What if he's reaching out to me because I'm the only one that can help him or that he can trust? I don't want to miss the opportunity to help anyone - including and especially him. He didn't say anything about himself so maybe he was just feeling me out, making sure that he can still trust me. I hope my e-mail to him reassures him of my friendship; even with my doubts that its really the start of a new friendship. So many times things like this have happened and gone nowhere. Honestly, the telephone is so much better than e-mail. Typed words are so unpersonal. Real friends, I'm starting to believe, stay friends because they talk to each other over the phone or make a point to spend time with each other. That's the kind of friend that I want to be and that I hope my friends want to be, too.

Okay, well, I really have to stop now because I have to finish my work so I can get to the Chiropractor's office.