Lime and reason

Yes - I'm obsessed with Pepsi Lime. I love it. But this isn't the first time I've had it. Two years ago, when I was in Honduras on a mission trip, I tasted it for the first time. I wondered why they had it there and not in the States. I thought that we'd soon get it there. I fell in love with it then; but my love was made into heartbreak. It wasn't there when we got back. In fact, they came out with Lemon Pepsi. Yuck! I have nothing against the lemon as a fruit but in soda it sucks. In water and tea, it sucks. In pies, it's marvelous! But to ruin my Pepsi - I would have none of that! And then, my rival, Coke, came out with Diet Lime Coke. Ugh! Why? Why couldn't Pepsi hav ebeen first here? It so rocks over Coke. But, then again, I'm a sugar-aholic. Coke just doesn't have enough sugar in it. It's so bland. But, recently, my love has found it's way back to me. And now, after many months of just about giving up soda completely, I'm buying it in hordes all over again - because I just have to have this Pepsi lime in my system. It's a moral imperative. :-)

Anyway, today I'm a little excited about my future. Yeah, if I think too much, I realize that just over a week from now I'll be in a new job that makes a lot less than what my bills require. But I'll be okay. I'm excited for my future. I know that there are good things and bad things along the way but I also know that God doesn't want me to sit on my laurels and watch them happen. He needs me to be me and get out there. He has given me so many gifts; 29 is just the tip of the iceburg for me. I had a good lunch yesterday with Alisa and Jen. We went to this new place after church and I found myself writing a story in my head; taking a mental note of the three of us and our lives, as if we were sisters sitting in a cafe in Paris, not where we actually were - a cafe in downtown Bloomington, Indiana, USA. it was neat to see what I did. To realize to myself of how stories, people and their lives interest me. At that moment, I realized who I really was and that all those years of saying, "I could never do that," was a total lie. I could totally do it. I really, really could. And you probably would like to know what I mean by all this. Sometimes, I forget to be specific with stuff because my brain goes so fast that my fingers can't catch up - even if I'm typing. :-) That's why I double and triple-check my e-mails before I send them. Yeah, I know - a little pathetic but I hate sending an e-mail and it reads totally different than what I really meant; and I can't stand misspelling anything. It's my biggest pet peeve.

Anyway, I got off on a tangent again - and if you know me well, you know that you have to forgive me because I routinely go on tangents - it's how I'm wired. Luckily, I have great friends. :-) Anyhoo, I could see myself traveling the world, sitting in a cafe, people watching, writing what I see or my thoughts at the moment and just taking in the different cultures. What's hindering me? Money. Flying over the ocean. Going to a land where I don't speak the language. The thought of not coming back to see my family. The thought that I'm 29 and want be married someday, which has to happen soon if I want time to have and raise the three kids I want. Seriously, I've always wanted what my step-sister and my brother have: three kids, specifically two boys and one girl. They both have the same thing: my dream family. But I can't even find a man that is worth giving "the rest of my life." And if I do take care of my money problems and find myself in a position, financially, to travel, will I miss him? Will my desire to travel forsake my desire and maybe God's will for my family because I left at the wrong time? And then again, if I don't do it, don't work towards this goal, am I giving up a dream that God has for me? This is a big question: it's about my future and God's will for me. It's something that I know he'll reveal the answer to in time. I just have to keep faith and be patient. A lot can happen in the next two months. I knew things would change for me a lot this year; and they have already. But there's more coming; I can feel it. There could even be a man; but I'm not so sure about who even though there's one that's interested at the moment. I think he's a great guy but I'm not attracted to him. But I don't want to not give him a chance if my problem is me and my short-sightedness. Time will tell and I know that I will make the right decision because all of the decisions I've made in this area before were right. I gave it to God and He led me to the right decision. I know He will do that now.

Oh, bummer. I just finished my Pepsi Lime. I should get back to work. I'm going to write later today; not on my blog but a story no less. I've decided not to write my little story from the other night down on my blog. It's not time - yet. It will be one day; maybe in a collection of stories, or to help me develop a character. It isn't meant for here; and I'm glad I waited to figure that out.