Ok - so we finally have resolution in the coaching search. Kudos to Greenspan. He's gone out and gotten the best coach available. He didn't succumb to IU loyalist desires; instead he used his head and found a great all-around coach - who has recruiting skills, I might add.
No matter what people say about how we're "disappointed" that an IU guy isn't at the Basketball throne, I think it's a great decision. BTW, those "disappointing" viewpoints are from people who aren't looking at the bigger picture. Let's face the facts: The Bob Knight Era was over about six years before he was fired. Get with it, people. I'm talking to you IU fans who can't see past the end of your stuck up noses. This is a new time and a new era in basketball; we need someone to not only bring the prestige back to Indiana as THE place to play basketball but to also be RESPECTED as a school/community again. Sampson has the goods to do both.
Time will only tell if it happens; but I for one am an IU fan that is greatful to have an AD who looks at the whole picture and hires the right person - not the popular one. Popularity contests never work in Sports - never.
And I can't wait to see good defense again. :-) Bring it on!
3.29.2006
3.28.2006
Let the IU Circus begin...
er...well, it already has. Now we're hearing that IU and Kelvin Sampson, Oklahoma's Head Coach, have nailed down a contract and are getting ready to have a press conference about it in the next day or two.
Hmmm....he would be a great candidate but with all the uncertainty surrounding the last "rumored to be in negotiations" candidates, I'm not going to take it at face value until I actually see the face of AD Greenspan announcing such on local TV. It's craziness, this search for a basketball coach! It's been like a circus in the office - and I'm sure that goes for every office in the city of Bloomington. You know that if someone isn't talking about it, they are at least thinking about it - even the ones that don't care much about sports. It really doesn't matter - if you live in this town, any news about IU basketball is destined for the daily water cooler chats, regardless of gender.
So, though I like Coach Sampson, I'm not going to take it as fact until I have some solid facts. I'll just wait on hearing from the boys in our sports department. We'll know that it's a done deal when we hear deep exhaling coming from the back of the building. :-)
Hmmm....he would be a great candidate but with all the uncertainty surrounding the last "rumored to be in negotiations" candidates, I'm not going to take it at face value until I actually see the face of AD Greenspan announcing such on local TV. It's craziness, this search for a basketball coach! It's been like a circus in the office - and I'm sure that goes for every office in the city of Bloomington. You know that if someone isn't talking about it, they are at least thinking about it - even the ones that don't care much about sports. It really doesn't matter - if you live in this town, any news about IU basketball is destined for the daily water cooler chats, regardless of gender.
So, though I like Coach Sampson, I'm not going to take it as fact until I have some solid facts. I'll just wait on hearing from the boys in our sports department. We'll know that it's a done deal when we hear deep exhaling coming from the back of the building. :-)
3.27.2006
Okay, so I'm starting to get comments...
...from my blog entries. It's kinda cool because though this is an online blog you really don't know who reads it - until, of course, someone responds.
So to the person who just responded - you may be right about Calipari but this town is nutty when it comes to basketball. Our AD, while new, has brought in the right people so far so I'm trusting he will do the same now. However, the coach that comes here needs to win over the locals. Otherwise, he'll be in for the same beating that Davis took. I'm certain that Greenspan knows this and is taking into consideration what type of person he pays for this job. The next person has to have two very important qualities, among a zillion others: 1) a charismatic personality, and 2) a knack for making everyone believe that when he's wrong, he's still right. Basically, The General re-incarnate.
Otherwise, not only will this new meat be "forced" to leave but Greenspan will be on his way out, as well, in the next two to three years. And I'm very sure that Greenspan wants nothing to do with being the object of IU loyalist's hit list. It wouldn't be pretty. In fact, it isn't something I'd wish on my worst enemy - if I had one.
So to the person who just responded - you may be right about Calipari but this town is nutty when it comes to basketball. Our AD, while new, has brought in the right people so far so I'm trusting he will do the same now. However, the coach that comes here needs to win over the locals. Otherwise, he'll be in for the same beating that Davis took. I'm certain that Greenspan knows this and is taking into consideration what type of person he pays for this job. The next person has to have two very important qualities, among a zillion others: 1) a charismatic personality, and 2) a knack for making everyone believe that when he's wrong, he's still right. Basically, The General re-incarnate.
Otherwise, not only will this new meat be "forced" to leave but Greenspan will be on his way out, as well, in the next two to three years. And I'm very sure that Greenspan wants nothing to do with being the object of IU loyalist's hit list. It wouldn't be pretty. In fact, it isn't something I'd wish on my worst enemy - if I had one.
All about B-ball
Okay, so I'm really impressed with my college alma mater's search for a new basketball coach. They really are keeping thier lips sealed and I think that is the right thing. Of course, as a journalism graduate from the school, I know that it has to be so frustrating for the sportswriters here at the H-T. I mean, of course we want to be the ones to know first - we live here and if you live here you breath, bleed and worship IU basketball.
But I'm starting to see how smart Greenspan, our AD, really is. He is not letting people here, critics or the media affect his decision. And I'm impressed by some of the names mentioned - if Calipari is really in negotiations for the IU job as rumored. He's a big name and brings a big game. IU would be lucky to have him - and Memphis will sorely miss him.
Again, everything is just rumors right now. But, boy, what a rumor. :-)
But I'm starting to see how smart Greenspan, our AD, really is. He is not letting people here, critics or the media affect his decision. And I'm impressed by some of the names mentioned - if Calipari is really in negotiations for the IU job as rumored. He's a big name and brings a big game. IU would be lucky to have him - and Memphis will sorely miss him.
Again, everything is just rumors right now. But, boy, what a rumor. :-)
3.23.2006
The Day after the Day after the Day after
Okay...so I got a little cutsy with my title but I felt like it. My last story is due this Sunday and I've been in a groove. Really, I have. It's taken awhile to get back to it since life kinda took the driver's seat for the past couple months but at least it's back - my creativity. My story, meanwhile, is changing. It's her, her fiance and the doctor. That's it. It's not a happy ending, either. I hate unhappy endings which is why I'm really trying to write one. Life isn't always happy but we do have resolutions. They may not be the resolutions we wanted but they always end up being the one that is the best for us. So, this story is that for me. I want it to end with a hard-to-swallow but realistic resolution. And I think I've just about accomplished that.
Having the creative juices flowing again is so freeing for me. I get out of myself and into someone else and it just wakes me up. It's so liberating but challenging all at the same time. Liberating that I'm creating this character but challenging because the character always ends up teaching me something that I need to see in myself and be a better person. You write and erase (or delete if you write on the computer) this fake person's characteristics so many times that they just evolve into something that you couldn't have guessed in the beginning - and then you realize that it's a metaphor for you, your life. You're being molded and changing and growing from the time you leave the womb. The character you created, even if they seem so different from you, is really a part of you. There is at least one thing in them that characterizes you. I see that and reflect upon it in each character that comes off the page I'm writing on. Sometimes I feel like God teaches me through some of the characters that I create. Of course, they are not my creation. They are what God wants me to create; He gives me the idea and I write it down. It's a pretty sneaky way to get my attention but it always does. I don't know if I'll ever be able to support myself financially through my characters/stories but I know that God will continue to teach me through them.
So here's hoping that my last story for the class gives me a clue as to what God wants me to learn next. :-)
Having the creative juices flowing again is so freeing for me. I get out of myself and into someone else and it just wakes me up. It's so liberating but challenging all at the same time. Liberating that I'm creating this character but challenging because the character always ends up teaching me something that I need to see in myself and be a better person. You write and erase (or delete if you write on the computer) this fake person's characteristics so many times that they just evolve into something that you couldn't have guessed in the beginning - and then you realize that it's a metaphor for you, your life. You're being molded and changing and growing from the time you leave the womb. The character you created, even if they seem so different from you, is really a part of you. There is at least one thing in them that characterizes you. I see that and reflect upon it in each character that comes off the page I'm writing on. Sometimes I feel like God teaches me through some of the characters that I create. Of course, they are not my creation. They are what God wants me to create; He gives me the idea and I write it down. It's a pretty sneaky way to get my attention but it always does. I don't know if I'll ever be able to support myself financially through my characters/stories but I know that God will continue to teach me through them.
So here's hoping that my last story for the class gives me a clue as to what God wants me to learn next. :-)
3.21.2006
The Day After
I have been posed the question many times today, "So do you feel different now that you're 30 years and 1 day old?" I answered that I didn't but you know what? That's a lie. I do feel different. As I look outside at the snow (yes, I did say snow; though it's supposed to be Spring I wished for snow on my birthday - it's a day late but it still works for me), I do feel different. I have a different perspective and I feel freer (if that's even a word). After my party Sunday night, I realized that I am EXTREMELY blessed. Though sometimes my personality may be a little too outgoing, I still have friends and family that not only see through that but celebrate it. That just makes me feel like I'm really an okay person; that I should be proud of who I am and not just on the outside - on the inside as well. A lot of times in the past I've felt like a fraud. I may have acted non-chalant or super positive on the outside, but on the inside I felt wretched and hated myself. Those feelings are fewer and much farther between now and I can see it finally. I feel like I am finally growing up. I'm just a slow learner. :-)
And, after my party, I see where my desires really lie. I love many, many things but there are a few that I've always wanted and it's plain to see that everyone else knows, too. It's not a secret. It really is what I love. Those three things are sports, becoming an author and entertaining people. I love Ballroom Dancing but I have come to see that if I can't work for myself, I can't do it full-time. And though I may be a good instructor, I can't go back to that life. It's all-consuming and doesn't leave much time for anything else. I need to have my friends and time for my family; and time to meet my future husband. Working every evening is not something that I want to do again. I won't go back to that life now that I've experienced what it's like to have both a social and a work life. I have great friends and have time to spend with my family now. I didn't when I worked full-time at the studio; in fact, I had very few friends and none of them were close friends. It's hard to come to that decision but it's the only decision that I can make.
It has taken so long for me to be able to let go of a lot of things - especially this. I am not leaving the studio immediately but there will come a day (sooner than later) that I will. I'm not being utilized as it was originally discussed so I'm getting burned out. Too much longer and I'll start hating it again. I don't want that to happen and I don't want to let anyone down there. They have worked very hard to get where they are and I want them to continue to get better. We have terrific instructors now and terrific students. I want to see that continue but I know I won't be able to be a part of it much longer.
Though this realization is sad and was hard to come to, it's also exciting to realize that I've finally been able to make a tough decision. If I want to have a family and to be out of debt someday, I need to have my evenings free and I need a job that is full-time with benefits. I need to have something that utilizes my abilities/talents/natural instincts and also satisfies me. So I need to get serious and figure out what that is. I've figured out what that isn't finally. But there are many paths that "could be" perfect. Now, I just have to weed the imposters out.
Here is what I really want to happen in the next few years:
One full-time job that I actually like
Out of debt (or at least almost out of debt)
A dating life (a boyfriend or husband would be great but I'd settle just to be out there dating again)
My own place - preferably buying but I'll settle for being able to rent something nice on my own without a lot of financial strain - of course, it would be better if this happened with a husband but I'm not holding my breath. And I love being so close to my parents but I need to be on my own and fully responsible.
I know that's a lot to ask but if you don't ask for it, you won't get anything. So I'm pursuing them all and fully expect for at least half of them to come true because they are really all related. See if I find a full-time job with benefits then I send more money to my debtors, which in turn gets me more financially stable so I can then pursue my own place. The dating thing, well, that's a question mark. It has nothing to do with a job or my financial position. That's something that God really has to do for me. I don't know that if I am invited to a party one day that I have to go because I will meet my future husband there. You just don't know when that is going to happen. So I'm just going to pursue my goals but enjoy myself. One day, I'll meet someone that is the right man for me and it will be the perfect time and place - and I won't know that until it's that moment.
So, yes, I do feel different and now I'm going to act like it.
And, after my party, I see where my desires really lie. I love many, many things but there are a few that I've always wanted and it's plain to see that everyone else knows, too. It's not a secret. It really is what I love. Those three things are sports, becoming an author and entertaining people. I love Ballroom Dancing but I have come to see that if I can't work for myself, I can't do it full-time. And though I may be a good instructor, I can't go back to that life. It's all-consuming and doesn't leave much time for anything else. I need to have my friends and time for my family; and time to meet my future husband. Working every evening is not something that I want to do again. I won't go back to that life now that I've experienced what it's like to have both a social and a work life. I have great friends and have time to spend with my family now. I didn't when I worked full-time at the studio; in fact, I had very few friends and none of them were close friends. It's hard to come to that decision but it's the only decision that I can make.
It has taken so long for me to be able to let go of a lot of things - especially this. I am not leaving the studio immediately but there will come a day (sooner than later) that I will. I'm not being utilized as it was originally discussed so I'm getting burned out. Too much longer and I'll start hating it again. I don't want that to happen and I don't want to let anyone down there. They have worked very hard to get where they are and I want them to continue to get better. We have terrific instructors now and terrific students. I want to see that continue but I know I won't be able to be a part of it much longer.
Though this realization is sad and was hard to come to, it's also exciting to realize that I've finally been able to make a tough decision. If I want to have a family and to be out of debt someday, I need to have my evenings free and I need a job that is full-time with benefits. I need to have something that utilizes my abilities/talents/natural instincts and also satisfies me. So I need to get serious and figure out what that is. I've figured out what that isn't finally. But there are many paths that "could be" perfect. Now, I just have to weed the imposters out.
Here is what I really want to happen in the next few years:
One full-time job that I actually like
Out of debt (or at least almost out of debt)
A dating life (a boyfriend or husband would be great but I'd settle just to be out there dating again)
My own place - preferably buying but I'll settle for being able to rent something nice on my own without a lot of financial strain - of course, it would be better if this happened with a husband but I'm not holding my breath. And I love being so close to my parents but I need to be on my own and fully responsible.
I know that's a lot to ask but if you don't ask for it, you won't get anything. So I'm pursuing them all and fully expect for at least half of them to come true because they are really all related. See if I find a full-time job with benefits then I send more money to my debtors, which in turn gets me more financially stable so I can then pursue my own place. The dating thing, well, that's a question mark. It has nothing to do with a job or my financial position. That's something that God really has to do for me. I don't know that if I am invited to a party one day that I have to go because I will meet my future husband there. You just don't know when that is going to happen. So I'm just going to pursue my goals but enjoy myself. One day, I'll meet someone that is the right man for me and it will be the perfect time and place - and I won't know that until it's that moment.
So, yes, I do feel different and now I'm going to act like it.
3.20.2006
30 years young
Today is the day! It's finally here! I'm sure y'all are very relieved. :-)
But, you know what? I find ways to make my birthday last. One of my bosses at work is taking me out to lunch tomorrow and my dad said that he didn't send me as much as he usually does because I'll be there in a few weeks so he's going to treat me then. So this year, I managed to make my birthday last to mid-April. I'm getting good at this.
Anyway, it was a wonderful weekend. I may not have my own family or even a boyfriend yet but I've been blessed with amazing friends and family. And I do have work even if it's not full-time or with benefits. I am surviving and I fully expect this to be a great year. It's not because I just turned the big 3-0 but because I refuse to allow it to be anything other. You know, God gives us a lot but we don't always notice it. There are times that He gives us a clue to what He wants for us but we have to take the steps to get it. It's not that we have to work for our blessings but we have to follow through in His plan. I plan on following through this year on everything - even if that means internet dating. It's not what I want to do but it's becoming clear that the men here are fairly stupid to not want to go out with me. I've finally realized that I am a catch. I've struggled with my attractiveness all my life. But now I'm pushing aside those ill feelings towards myself and being confident in who I am - even though there are parts of me that are still growing up. We all make mistakes and are continually growing. We have to accept that and accept ourselves. I think I'm finally ready - really ready - to accept that.
There is a perfect job and the perfect man for me out there somewhere; and though I'd love to stay here in Bloomington awhile longer, I fully realize that God's plan for me is bigger than anything I can dream up. If His will leads me away from here, I know it's all for the best.
But I'm going to take advantage of living here as long as I can. Happy Birthday to me!
But, you know what? I find ways to make my birthday last. One of my bosses at work is taking me out to lunch tomorrow and my dad said that he didn't send me as much as he usually does because I'll be there in a few weeks so he's going to treat me then. So this year, I managed to make my birthday last to mid-April. I'm getting good at this.
Anyway, it was a wonderful weekend. I may not have my own family or even a boyfriend yet but I've been blessed with amazing friends and family. And I do have work even if it's not full-time or with benefits. I am surviving and I fully expect this to be a great year. It's not because I just turned the big 3-0 but because I refuse to allow it to be anything other. You know, God gives us a lot but we don't always notice it. There are times that He gives us a clue to what He wants for us but we have to take the steps to get it. It's not that we have to work for our blessings but we have to follow through in His plan. I plan on following through this year on everything - even if that means internet dating. It's not what I want to do but it's becoming clear that the men here are fairly stupid to not want to go out with me. I've finally realized that I am a catch. I've struggled with my attractiveness all my life. But now I'm pushing aside those ill feelings towards myself and being confident in who I am - even though there are parts of me that are still growing up. We all make mistakes and are continually growing. We have to accept that and accept ourselves. I think I'm finally ready - really ready - to accept that.
There is a perfect job and the perfect man for me out there somewhere; and though I'd love to stay here in Bloomington awhile longer, I fully realize that God's plan for me is bigger than anything I can dream up. If His will leads me away from here, I know it's all for the best.
But I'm going to take advantage of living here as long as I can. Happy Birthday to me!
3.15.2006
Da Vinci Code
Okay, here are my thoughts on the Da Vinci Code book and movie.
As a Christian, I just can't support a book that is basically trying to usurp the credibility of Jesus. I realize that it may be entertaining and the author may not be meaning to do anything but create a name for himself - still, it's a little disheartening to know so many of those I know who love the Lord have not only spent money to buy and read the book but want to watch the movie. I feel comfortable in being vocal about this because most already know my opinions on this and I know won't be surprised by my comments.
I am not perfect and have my own faults; but this book has seemed to make me come alive when it comes to my faith and an apparant blasphemical book that some of my Christian bretheren find entertaining. It calls into question my own values in what books I read and what movies I see. The fact that this particular book makes my insides crawl tells me that I should seriously consider how other things of such nature have crept into my own life - and the means to get rid of them.
I have seen "Passion of the Christ" only once and for the sole reason that I cannot handle my wretchedness for God having to stoop to my level and undergo such torture - just because He loves me that much. I can't ever find a love like that in this world; no matter how hard I look for it. No man will come close to God's love for me. And I can love with abandon but not to the extent that God's love for each and everyone of us can; at our best, we still aren't close to the vastness of His love. But I can't condone a story that has Jesus as being imperfect. He was not and is not and will never be anything but part of God. That my Christian community (me included) has allowed ourselves to be deceived by such blasphemy is saddening; and again, I should really take a look at myself and what I allow as being okay whether it's for myself OR for my friends.
If you want to know just what He went through for all of us, read the book of John, chapter 19. Would you do that for someone you loved? I don't know anyone who would go to those lengths. Jesus did. And I refuse to allow anyone to see Him as anything else but perfect - especially not as he is represented in The DaVinci Code - even if it's for "entertainment" value.
As a Christian, I just can't support a book that is basically trying to usurp the credibility of Jesus. I realize that it may be entertaining and the author may not be meaning to do anything but create a name for himself - still, it's a little disheartening to know so many of those I know who love the Lord have not only spent money to buy and read the book but want to watch the movie. I feel comfortable in being vocal about this because most already know my opinions on this and I know won't be surprised by my comments.
I am not perfect and have my own faults; but this book has seemed to make me come alive when it comes to my faith and an apparant blasphemical book that some of my Christian bretheren find entertaining. It calls into question my own values in what books I read and what movies I see. The fact that this particular book makes my insides crawl tells me that I should seriously consider how other things of such nature have crept into my own life - and the means to get rid of them.
I have seen "Passion of the Christ" only once and for the sole reason that I cannot handle my wretchedness for God having to stoop to my level and undergo such torture - just because He loves me that much. I can't ever find a love like that in this world; no matter how hard I look for it. No man will come close to God's love for me. And I can love with abandon but not to the extent that God's love for each and everyone of us can; at our best, we still aren't close to the vastness of His love. But I can't condone a story that has Jesus as being imperfect. He was not and is not and will never be anything but part of God. That my Christian community (me included) has allowed ourselves to be deceived by such blasphemy is saddening; and again, I should really take a look at myself and what I allow as being okay whether it's for myself OR for my friends.
If you want to know just what He went through for all of us, read the book of John, chapter 19. Would you do that for someone you loved? I don't know anyone who would go to those lengths. Jesus did. And I refuse to allow anyone to see Him as anything else but perfect - especially not as he is represented in The DaVinci Code - even if it's for "entertainment" value.
3.13.2006
So much to do...GO HOOSIERS!
What a weekend! Have I already said that I hate thunderstorms? Yeah, I guess that's an understatement. Luckily, we were spared the really nasty stuff. It's disheartening though that so many other states were devastated. I hope that those deaths weren't because of stupidity and were because of the intensity of the storms. I see a lot of people around here driving in the worst parts of the storms, thinking that nothing will happen to them. If they did that in the other states, they'd have been sorely mistaken. I stay put or make sure I'm close to home in those storms. Even though we were spared, I'm still glad of my decision to stay put. You just never know.
But it also means that this week I'm going to be a little busier than planned. It shouldn't be too bad but with the addition that I didn't get much sleep a fw nights this week becasue the storms we had were pretty loud, I'll feel a little rushed. Tomorrow, everything is up in the air. I'm preparing for something to happen later this week or weekend and only have a couple hours to do it before I'm to be at Bible study. I don't want to miss it again but I may have to. And then my mom tells me that we're going away for the weekend so I have to be packed and ready. Plus this weekend I have to get my dress for Jennie's wedding (I still haven't gotten the swatch yet) so whereever we go has to have shopping. It's getting kinda late for me to get the swatch. I really should have had it at the latest last month but my best friend has been busy and she's not exactly the on time type so I'm not surprised. Nor am I upset - I know her and she knows me. I'll find something; though I am getting a little pressed for time.
So, here's the rundown for my week: Jen's birthday, my birthday, going out of town and finding a wedding dress. It's going to be crazy - but good crazy. At the end of it, I'll have gone through three celebrations and found my maid-of-honor dress all in one weekend. And, let's not forget that I'll have said goodbye to my 20's. Maybe, just maybe, I'll finally become a grown up. :-)
Okay...so that may never happen but here's to having a great decade anyway! :-)
Oh...and GO HOOSIERS! I'm a little miffed that so many "experts" are picking my boys to be upset in the first round. I've had it with them. Even when we're doing well, they pick against us. In 2002, none of them picked us in any game in the NCAA tournament and yet we went to the National Championship game. Had our boys not been tired under all the stress they had to suffer that year and been healthy (Coverdale played with a bum ankle; he could barely walk - and Jeffries knee wasn't great), I have no doubt that we would have kicked Maryland's booty. I have no doubt, period. They underestimated us all year. So bring it on, boys! Let's show that picking against us is only adding fuel to our fire. This Hoosier girl is behind you all the way and believes in you.
But it also means that this week I'm going to be a little busier than planned. It shouldn't be too bad but with the addition that I didn't get much sleep a fw nights this week becasue the storms we had were pretty loud, I'll feel a little rushed. Tomorrow, everything is up in the air. I'm preparing for something to happen later this week or weekend and only have a couple hours to do it before I'm to be at Bible study. I don't want to miss it again but I may have to. And then my mom tells me that we're going away for the weekend so I have to be packed and ready. Plus this weekend I have to get my dress for Jennie's wedding (I still haven't gotten the swatch yet) so whereever we go has to have shopping. It's getting kinda late for me to get the swatch. I really should have had it at the latest last month but my best friend has been busy and she's not exactly the on time type so I'm not surprised. Nor am I upset - I know her and she knows me. I'll find something; though I am getting a little pressed for time.
So, here's the rundown for my week: Jen's birthday, my birthday, going out of town and finding a wedding dress. It's going to be crazy - but good crazy. At the end of it, I'll have gone through three celebrations and found my maid-of-honor dress all in one weekend. And, let's not forget that I'll have said goodbye to my 20's. Maybe, just maybe, I'll finally become a grown up. :-)
Okay...so that may never happen but here's to having a great decade anyway! :-)
Oh...and GO HOOSIERS! I'm a little miffed that so many "experts" are picking my boys to be upset in the first round. I've had it with them. Even when we're doing well, they pick against us. In 2002, none of them picked us in any game in the NCAA tournament and yet we went to the National Championship game. Had our boys not been tired under all the stress they had to suffer that year and been healthy (Coverdale played with a bum ankle; he could barely walk - and Jeffries knee wasn't great), I have no doubt that we would have kicked Maryland's booty. I have no doubt, period. They underestimated us all year. So bring it on, boys! Let's show that picking against us is only adding fuel to our fire. This Hoosier girl is behind you all the way and believes in you.
3.06.2006
Vanity
Okay, so sometimes I feel like I'm a little too vain. But, who wants to look bad on their birthday, right?
I just sent an e-mail to the two friends that are planning my party. I made one request: that I don't look bad for my birthday or my birthday party (I don't know what day it is going to be so I covered my bases). They have said they are not going to tell me so I wanted to be sure that I'm not attending my birthday in lounge clothes or am rolling out of bed. It is my 30th birthday - a milestone - and I know there will be lots of pictures taken by my mom so I want to look good looking back on it. I'm sure there will be enough of "blackmail" pictures of me through the years at my party to more than make up for any good pictures taken. :-)
I do trust them - but we all sometimes second guess that though our friends know us, they don't know everything. There was a day a couple weeks ago that a close friend of mine was surprised at something I said I liked - a good surprise, but a surprise nonetheless. Sometimes you take for granted that the closest people to you know everything about you - but they don't. And, in extension of that, you may place that same expectation on the man that is your soulmate. That's not fair on him - or you. The man I marry is not goign to be perfect - and I need to realize that I'm not either.
I tend to forget that and hold these super high expectations on people - like they are supposed to remember everything I say and do. That's impossible - I say way too much for anyone to remember even 1/3 of what I say or do. Last night's Bravehearts study really hit home this point for me. We discussed Chapter 4 - The Queen of Hearts. Wow! We all had pretty strong observences about the chapter and ourselves personally. It was great to get everything out in the open - I really wish that more people could've been there because I think it was a really good study for the group.
So, I'm learning for the second time (the Bravehearts leadership already did the study last year) that I need to relax my expectations - they are impossible and unrealistic! And I need to trust more; my friends and family trust me even when they have the right not to.
And...I am now fully commited to NOT WORRYING about anything concerning my birthday - including how I'm going to look. But I'm not stopping my countdown....14 days. :-)
I just sent an e-mail to the two friends that are planning my party. I made one request: that I don't look bad for my birthday or my birthday party (I don't know what day it is going to be so I covered my bases). They have said they are not going to tell me so I wanted to be sure that I'm not attending my birthday in lounge clothes or am rolling out of bed. It is my 30th birthday - a milestone - and I know there will be lots of pictures taken by my mom so I want to look good looking back on it. I'm sure there will be enough of "blackmail" pictures of me through the years at my party to more than make up for any good pictures taken. :-)
I do trust them - but we all sometimes second guess that though our friends know us, they don't know everything. There was a day a couple weeks ago that a close friend of mine was surprised at something I said I liked - a good surprise, but a surprise nonetheless. Sometimes you take for granted that the closest people to you know everything about you - but they don't. And, in extension of that, you may place that same expectation on the man that is your soulmate. That's not fair on him - or you. The man I marry is not goign to be perfect - and I need to realize that I'm not either.
I tend to forget that and hold these super high expectations on people - like they are supposed to remember everything I say and do. That's impossible - I say way too much for anyone to remember even 1/3 of what I say or do. Last night's Bravehearts study really hit home this point for me. We discussed Chapter 4 - The Queen of Hearts. Wow! We all had pretty strong observences about the chapter and ourselves personally. It was great to get everything out in the open - I really wish that more people could've been there because I think it was a really good study for the group.
So, I'm learning for the second time (the Bravehearts leadership already did the study last year) that I need to relax my expectations - they are impossible and unrealistic! And I need to trust more; my friends and family trust me even when they have the right not to.
And...I am now fully commited to NOT WORRYING about anything concerning my birthday - including how I'm going to look. But I'm not stopping my countdown....14 days. :-)
3.01.2006
Having Faith
If I didn't have my faith, I don't know who I'd be or where I'd be. Faith is so important; not only Faith that God's going to do what He says He's going to do but also faith in the people around you.
But Faith gets tested, repeatedly and often. We don't like to be tested - I don't like to be tested. But when we come through a situation on the positive side, it makes it all better. This is one of those times for me. Someone very close to me is okay - they don't have the disease doctors were worried about. It's been a trying time to keep Faith and let God handle it - because it very easily could have gone the other way and that still would've been in His will. But it would've been harder to deal with. I can focus a bit more now and I feel a great deal of thankfulness that the situation turned out this way.
On another note, I exercised Faith yesterday at dinner with some friends. My birthday was brought up (and I want to be clear that it wasn't me that bought it up - see I'm being very, very good) but when I said that I wasn't to know anything including where or when it was going to be, I got weird looks. Either they already know or were really trying not to fill me in or give me hints. That is a good thing because it strengthens my Faith in my friends who are planning this. I love them both very much and am learning to let go of control over certain things - most notably my birthday celebration. I do like to control certain things in my life and this is one of them. I think I am succeeding in weakening my grip on such things. But I am still getting more and more excited so I have to keep myself calm and not talk about it so much.
I am still allowing myself to do a countdown, though...less than 20 days remain before I'm officially out of my 20's. :-) I'm told, too, that the 30's are great. Since I don't have a family or a career yet, I'm taking that to heart. All those things I desire may be waiting for me to turn 30. :-)
But Faith gets tested, repeatedly and often. We don't like to be tested - I don't like to be tested. But when we come through a situation on the positive side, it makes it all better. This is one of those times for me. Someone very close to me is okay - they don't have the disease doctors were worried about. It's been a trying time to keep Faith and let God handle it - because it very easily could have gone the other way and that still would've been in His will. But it would've been harder to deal with. I can focus a bit more now and I feel a great deal of thankfulness that the situation turned out this way.
On another note, I exercised Faith yesterday at dinner with some friends. My birthday was brought up (and I want to be clear that it wasn't me that bought it up - see I'm being very, very good) but when I said that I wasn't to know anything including where or when it was going to be, I got weird looks. Either they already know or were really trying not to fill me in or give me hints. That is a good thing because it strengthens my Faith in my friends who are planning this. I love them both very much and am learning to let go of control over certain things - most notably my birthday celebration. I do like to control certain things in my life and this is one of them. I think I am succeeding in weakening my grip on such things. But I am still getting more and more excited so I have to keep myself calm and not talk about it so much.
I am still allowing myself to do a countdown, though...less than 20 days remain before I'm officially out of my 20's. :-) I'm told, too, that the 30's are great. Since I don't have a family or a career yet, I'm taking that to heart. All those things I desire may be waiting for me to turn 30. :-)
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