Here's something else...

As I finished that last blog, another journal entry from last week came to mind. I don't have it here; it's actually at work...but I remember the gist of it.

Building upon the "giving myself up" idea, if I'm to marry, I want to be with no one less than a man who is in love with God first, me second. A man who is of God and not of this world. I don't want any pretenders. I want what I term a real man: a man after God's own heart and seeking His will for His life, and doesn't need a woman to define him, but to enhance him and be an encouragement to him. He must compliment me and I must compliment him. We have to be in relationship with Him together and apart. I know some are saying "you're asking too much...the men around us, including Christian men, aren't capable and don't want to be that or want to pursue us unless we come in this perfectly asthetic package." Though that may be true, the man (men, to be optimistic) I speak of does (do) exist...and, might I argue, they are looking for us, too. And, there may even be more than one who suit us in this world.

But we have to be open...open our eyes and our hearts to the possibility. God doesn't come in this perfect little box...He doesn't fit! So why do we have to have this perfectly wrapped package? It's not how it's wrapped, it's Who's inside. That's a capital W in who. And if the Who inside them is visual it's because we can see their fruit. You can see the fruit they are producing...and it smells exactly like what Jesus tells us it should.

That's who I'm waiting for. Oh, and by the way, this man isn't perfect. I'm not saying that at all. He's just got the right Who inside...and he seeks Him everyday...we both do. It doesn't mean that everything will be perfect; it just means that we're perfectly designed to be with each other. The rest is a work in progress.

It's a relationship; it needs water, nurturing and a lot of pruning. But I want to start with a branch that is part of the Holy Vine. I have confidence now that God will graft me to the right branch; and I'm willing to just live the life He's given me to the full extent that a single person can, until that happens. Then it's a whole new life, with many other ways to grow and serve Him, be pruned and bear fruit.

Now, I must bear fruit on my own; one day, I may be bearing fruit with someone else, a marraige and ministry. And, honestly, that is my desire. I just don't know what season I'm to be grafted or what branch I'm to be grafted to or even where that branch is! God does though; and I'm certain in this moment that I trust Him fully in that. :-)