I Still...

Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?

No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go

I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Now look at me
Instead of moving on, I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)

I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know

That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Ohhhh
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go (without you)

Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you

These are words to one of my favorite songs. You can call it destined; you can call it prophetic; you can even call it coincidence; but I call it a God-incidence that it was the song I heard second on my walk to a friends today. To be honest, it's really the first verse that got to me....you see, I've been very nostalgic of late. Seriously...I was crying at a fish pond last night. All good, happy tears. But reflective as well.

I have been in Indiana for 13 years, 2 months & 10 days. I have lived in Bloomington the longest I've lived in any city. Bloomington is home for me....and there has been a lot that the time here has taught me. I've grown up here...well, some could argue that I'm still growing...and they'd be right. :-)

But, right now, there is no doubt that I am at a crossroads. I am literally having to make one of the biggest decisions of my life and I have no idea what that decision should be. No idea. Truly.

However, I am clear, certain on one thing: that no matter where I go this time...everyone goes with me. To me, the song "I Still" means that though I may or may not go away - or others in my life may or may not go away - they go with me in my heart, mind and soul....and that I refuse to let that go...in all the good ways and for all the good times. :-) "No matter what's been said or done...I still feel you" means two things to me: first it means that whatever has happened that I still love that person/them/my friends/family/people that are in my life here. And second, that no matter what has transpired in my life, He is still here...I still "feel" Him beside me, walking with my hand in His, guiding me.

It also speaks to me in the changes that myself and many of those around me have gone through and how it's changed us but how it's also enhanced who we are...the ways that we're the same and still ourselves, only better.

And I'm not going to let anybody go...they are all a little piece of me...and that partly makes me who I am.

See, I told you...I got a little nostalgic. :-)

Anyway, like another song states, "I don't know where I'm going but I sure know where I've been..."

"...Hanging on the promises
In songs of yesterday
An Ive made up my mind,
I aint wasting no more time
But, here I go again
Here I go again

Tho I keep searching for an answer,
I never seem to find what Im looking for
Oh lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on,
cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams."

Dreams. Yeah, that's right. But this time, they aren't lonely. Y'all go with me. :-)