The Good News
San Francisco is scoring now. In fact, we have the 5th best offense OVERALL in the NFL. Alex Smith is the 10th best QB in the league right now. Impressive for a 2nd year rookie - maybe not as impressive as Roethlisberger's rookie year but Smith is arguably developing at a better rate than Big Ben. Too quick to success could mean a short career.
Frank Gore is impressing everyone. He has a long way to go still when it comes to RB dominance, however, he stands now tied for 7th place in the league. He is only averaging 88.6 yards a game; that's good but not good enough for a team wanting to return to the play offs. He needs to be a 100 yd/game RB. He can get there but he has to be patient, smart and determined.
Antonio Bryant is a good WR - but his attitude reminds me of TO. I'm praying to the good Lord that he does not become TO reincarnate.
Vernon Davis is so promising but I'm a little sick to my stomach that he's already hurt. His desire to play and do everything he can to get us to the playoffs again is appreciated and honorable. However, it doesn't help that he has a fractured fibula. We need him healthy if we're going to compete this year. Still, his productivity is a good sign to the Niners offensive future. Just get well soon, big guy.
The Bad News
We're 1-2. This is in large part because of our defense. It's 25th OVERALL in the NFL. We aren't ranked in Defensive Leaders but we do have 8.5 sacks between 4 lineman. However, it doesn't bode well that we give up, on average, 349 yds/game and 28 points/game. Not good at all - there is no explaining away that.
We have some good, solid players (Bryant Young, most notable) but we give up 117 rushing yards/game and 232 passing yds/game - that isn't good. Do we have a secondary at all? Hmmm...I tend to think that we don't.
It isn't the defenses fault completely, though. We make other mistakes - like fumbling too much and penalties that are really elementary.
Conclusion
Our defense needs to improve. Our offense needs to keep getting better. Overall, this Faithful Fan, is encouraged. We have the right coaches, staff and are picking the right players to get us back to the NFL elite. But like a spoiled child, I just wish it would get here quicker. :-)
9.20.2006
Post 160: Deep Thoughts
Do you remember this little skit on SNL years ago? I was reminded of it from a TV show the other night. It was my favorite part of the show for a time. Anyway, the remembrance got me to thinking. How often do we just sit, be still and let our minds wander? I feel like my mind works more like a pinball than a well-oiled machine. I made a comment last night to a friend of mine that I wish sometimes that someone would switch places with my mind so people can really know what I deal with daily. By this morning, though, I realized that God gave me this brain because he designed it FOR ME. I shouldn't be complaining and I should see the blessing that it is (though, it's hard to let go of the fact that it also feels like a curse at times, leading me down directions I DO NOT want to go).
I think that it's important for everyone that EVERY DAY we find the good in ourselves and others instead of insisting on seeing only the bad. Good in this world can only happen if we're seeing past the bad things and getting to the good things. Finding the good in an enemy will change them. It happens. It's fact. But we're too scared to even try. Yes, there are times that God leads us away from our enemies. But, there are definitely other times where God leads our enemies TO us so that He can use us to help them. I have a friend right now that is in the middle of one of these situations. Right now, my friend is trying to discern if God is leading her away from them or if he's leading her to them. It's hard to discern this type of situation but with a lot of prayer from friends, and prayer for herself, she will see the path God has for her in this situation soon.
Of course, going back to the deep thoughts idea, this is advice that we all need to take. It's so hard to just sit and be still in this world but we all need it - even me and my pinball machine mind. I have a friend who gets to go on a retreat this weekend - one that I've been to and wish I can do again (but you can only do it once). I'm so happy for her to be able to experience it and to be "cut off" from this world for a few days. I know she'll be so happy that she did it.
However, I have really been given a gift in that another friend of mine is going away for the week and I'm apartment and cat-sitting for her. It will be nice to have a place to myself for a few days; somewhere that I'm not used to and will be a semi-retreat. I'm actually excited for it even though it's still in town. I think it is just what the doctor ordered. :-)
I think that it's important for everyone that EVERY DAY we find the good in ourselves and others instead of insisting on seeing only the bad. Good in this world can only happen if we're seeing past the bad things and getting to the good things. Finding the good in an enemy will change them. It happens. It's fact. But we're too scared to even try. Yes, there are times that God leads us away from our enemies. But, there are definitely other times where God leads our enemies TO us so that He can use us to help them. I have a friend right now that is in the middle of one of these situations. Right now, my friend is trying to discern if God is leading her away from them or if he's leading her to them. It's hard to discern this type of situation but with a lot of prayer from friends, and prayer for herself, she will see the path God has for her in this situation soon.
Of course, going back to the deep thoughts idea, this is advice that we all need to take. It's so hard to just sit and be still in this world but we all need it - even me and my pinball machine mind. I have a friend who gets to go on a retreat this weekend - one that I've been to and wish I can do again (but you can only do it once). I'm so happy for her to be able to experience it and to be "cut off" from this world for a few days. I know she'll be so happy that she did it.
However, I have really been given a gift in that another friend of mine is going away for the week and I'm apartment and cat-sitting for her. It will be nice to have a place to myself for a few days; somewhere that I'm not used to and will be a semi-retreat. I'm actually excited for it even though it's still in town. I think it is just what the doctor ordered. :-)
9.14.2006
Post 159: The Good in People
If you have a moment, go to this site and read the article.
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=wojciechowski_gene&id=2586435
No matter where you are in life, this kid is doing something that anyone would be proud of. It's inspiring; and it's inspiring to see who all is helping him out. It gives you a sense of pride and people aren't so bad - sometimes.
In fact, earlier today I received our daily quote. I wanted to send it to all my friends but am trying to cut down on my e-mails - especially since I had to change my e-mail address due to excessive spamming. Here is what it says:
"Every person who enters your life is for a reason. Those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of who you are. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form." ~ Unknown author
How true is this? It is so true! Even those who have entered our life for short periods (whether it be because of moving, job changes or even termination of the friendship) help to make us who we are. We learn from everyone around us. We may not learn or follow what they do or who they are but we learn about others - outside of ourselves. We can learn how to be better people because of thier example; or who we shouldn't be because of thier example; or how we have to treat others differently. We are all different and getting to know those who differ from us is the only way we can truly touch people in a way that is good for all involved.
I've recently learned this experience with friends, family members and co-workers. Yes, God has been awful busy in my life. :-) But it's been all good. Right now, seriously, I can easily allow myself to have a mid-life crisis even though I'm not technically at my mid-life age. There are so many pressures put upon me financially, emotionally, spiritually and mentally that I could so easily just start acting crazy. But I don't - and you know why? Because I can see, at least a little, beyond myself and my problems. I can take the young man's situation from the article above and use it to help me see that my problems aren't so bad and that, in reality, I put myself in this position and it is up to me to get out of it. He did not put himself here; he is here because of extenuating circumstances - but he is really doing everything he can to make his life better for his little brother (and for himself). It is such a good lesson for anyone to learn.
And, though none of this is new - this lesson - I need a reminder every once in awhile on how things could be and how I have the power to change it. God has given me the power put one foot in front of the other. All I have to make sure is that I'm going the right way. And all I have to do is ask Him which way to take.
How simple is that? :-)
http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/columns/story?columnist=wojciechowski_gene&id=2586435
No matter where you are in life, this kid is doing something that anyone would be proud of. It's inspiring; and it's inspiring to see who all is helping him out. It gives you a sense of pride and people aren't so bad - sometimes.
In fact, earlier today I received our daily quote. I wanted to send it to all my friends but am trying to cut down on my e-mails - especially since I had to change my e-mail address due to excessive spamming. Here is what it says:
"Every person who enters your life is for a reason. Those whose lives you have touched and who have touched yours are always a part of who you are. It is the content of the encounter that is more important than its form." ~ Unknown author
How true is this? It is so true! Even those who have entered our life for short periods (whether it be because of moving, job changes or even termination of the friendship) help to make us who we are. We learn from everyone around us. We may not learn or follow what they do or who they are but we learn about others - outside of ourselves. We can learn how to be better people because of thier example; or who we shouldn't be because of thier example; or how we have to treat others differently. We are all different and getting to know those who differ from us is the only way we can truly touch people in a way that is good for all involved.
I've recently learned this experience with friends, family members and co-workers. Yes, God has been awful busy in my life. :-) But it's been all good. Right now, seriously, I can easily allow myself to have a mid-life crisis even though I'm not technically at my mid-life age. There are so many pressures put upon me financially, emotionally, spiritually and mentally that I could so easily just start acting crazy. But I don't - and you know why? Because I can see, at least a little, beyond myself and my problems. I can take the young man's situation from the article above and use it to help me see that my problems aren't so bad and that, in reality, I put myself in this position and it is up to me to get out of it. He did not put himself here; he is here because of extenuating circumstances - but he is really doing everything he can to make his life better for his little brother (and for himself). It is such a good lesson for anyone to learn.
And, though none of this is new - this lesson - I need a reminder every once in awhile on how things could be and how I have the power to change it. God has given me the power put one foot in front of the other. All I have to make sure is that I'm going the right way. And all I have to do is ask Him which way to take.
How simple is that? :-)
9.11.2006
Post 158: What a difference a day makes 2!
So, I just received our "daily thought" at work. Funny how it came today - after my last post. :-)
What a difference a day can make. In just one day you can go from being filled with despair to being filled with excitement about your positive possibilities. In just one day, you can set yourself solidly on a course toward the achievement of your most treasured desires.
One day is plenty of time to make a major difference in your life and in the lives of those around you. One day, filled with positive thoughts and decisive, effective actions can have an impact that reaches far into the future.
What a difference a day can make. In just one day you can go from being filled with despair to being filled with excitement about your positive possibilities. In just one day, you can set yourself solidly on a course toward the achievement of your most treasured desires.
One day is plenty of time to make a major difference in your life and in the lives of those around you. One day, filled with positive thoughts and decisive, effective actions can have an impact that reaches far into the future.
And when that one day is over, there is another one, filled with just as many opportunities, right behind it. When you live one day to the fullest, it's amazing what a difference you can make. When you string together day after day after day of positive, effective thoughts and actions, the result is nothing short of miraculous.
What a difference a day can make. Imagine what a whole lifetime of them can accomplish!
~Copyright Ralph S. Marston, Jr. Used by permission.
You know, I've come to many conclusions in the last two weeks. But mainly, I've been convicted of many things personally. I know who I was, who I am, who I want to be and who I am becoming. I know that I know things and that I need to have more confidence in what I know.
I have never felt comfortable being miserable or self-deprecating or negative. I am one of those people who likes to serve people in their homes (not letting any of my guests touch a dish or help clean up) - but I haven't done so recently. I have never been a person to not ask to help when I'm over someone else's house (which I haven't done much lately). I have always tried to appreciate things but haven't done much of that lately either. And I've talked and learned things about people that I should never have. It's not wrong to know things but it is to know things that that person never told you personally. It starts the gossip ball rolling; and I hate that I've been the instigator of that lately. I know someone that has really convicted me of that by thier actions. They don't want to know. The fact that someone needs prayer is all they need to know. They don't want to know the specifics because that person has not confided in them - and that is what perpetuates gossip. And this is fact; it does. And I've always known that but I've forgotten it for awhile. While I'm not necessarily regretting getting to know certain things about the people I know, it's a whole other thing to tell other people when I know it will lead to other people thinking so badly of that person - instead of praying for them. And that has happened with one particular person I know. It's harder for me to pray for someone that I see has deceived me by saying one thing but living a totally different way. However, I'm not supposed to have that attitude. I'm supposed to pray for them even harder and lift them up. But, instead, I find myself wanting to protect other people from them. I should be sending people to them to encourage them and lift them up more in prayer so they find a better way of life. I was not doing that. But now, after seeing this person briefly in church yesterday, I am convicted to pray for them harder and to see them as God sees them: a beautiful child of God who needs just as much prayer as I do. I am so not perfect and so not ever going to be. I'm no better than them; no matter what they do outside of church. I'm just as wretched. And who's to say that they aren't better than me?! Maybe there are issues that I have that are worse than theirs. Have I ever really thought of it that way before? I think that I have a little bit but not really all the ways that I need to.
Today, at least, my eyes are opened to a lot of things: possibilities, people and positivity. What I need to remember is that God did not create me to be negative. He created me, specifically, in a way that people think something is wrong if I'm not smiling. That's the attitude that I've always had but I just never have realized it. People have always seen me as a very positive person.
Though today is a very hard day for this country (and those countries that were also effected; the twin towers were an "international" institution), the world is still turning. No matter what side you take there are two really good things about what happened: a very evil man is out of power and going to pay for his crimes; and we, as Americans, finally realize that there is more to the world than the USA - that these terrorists are real, unpredictable and something that even we have to deal with. Our eyes are opened - and I'm proud be called an American because we have not backed down from the challenge. It is not in us to do so. Our ancestors would be turning over in their graves if we gave up. Though I hate war and that we have lost so many men and women (I know a lot of people personally who are affected; friends whose husbands or wives are now serving), I know that they feel pride for defending our freedoms - even if they don't agree with this war. And that's so eye-opening.
And I need to remember that and support them; not complain or spit upon thier service because they are doing what I am too cowardly to do - give my life for my country and, more importantly, the people of my country. That is true sacrifice and I am humbled by it.
So I need to live my life everyday as best as I can because somebody is fighting for me to sit here, write this, work and enjoy life without the threat of dying from enemy fire, bombs or a war in my backyard. They are keeping it away from me. I can never forget that because I don't deserve it.
God bless them and bring them home safely - if at all possible.
9.08.2006
Post 157: What a difference a day makes
Seriously, I feel much better today. I'm not super excited that I'm short 6 hours this week but it just makes me more determined to find a better paying job.
I had a very good Bible study last night. A lot of things were put into perspective in my personal time before our study but it helped to talk things through; not about specifics of what has happened but about what I am learning. I am out of denial that I do certain things that I thought I'd stopped doing. I haven't actually; it's just not as much as before and that is what threw me off. I see that I tend to mold myself to the peole I'm with; I actually still do that. I thought that I was being myself but looking back on my behavior, I hate what I see. I really and truly hate it and I feel ashamed for acting that way. I can't change it or fix it - but I can make sure I don't do it in the future. I can work on making my behavior better and something that Christ would be lifted up by.
As a Christian, I am an example of Christ. But I believe that I'm a really bad one at the moment. I know I'm not completely horrible but I have a lot to work on. I want to be a better example of Christ than I have been - and that is going to mean making some very difficult decisions and getting rid of some things that have become an integral part of my life. I need to remove the temptations and practice better self-control. I lack self-control so much; I can really see that now.
I have a friend who is going on the Walk to Emmaus in two weeks. As I've reflected more on my experiences there, I see that I have allowed myself to forget some of the things that it taught me and have lost a bit of myself. I hate that this has happened. I hate that I can see that it ACTUALLY has happened. Though I know we all fall and take backwards steps sometimes, it's hard when you fully realize that you have. And I have - there's no doubt about that.
Am I a better person than before my walk? Yes - I am. But I was a much better person two years ago than I am now. I've lost a little. However, I don't regret anything that has happened. That's the kicker. I can actually see the joy in the trials. This current trial included. I don't like who I am right now but that only encourages me to change it.
This weekend will have a lot to do with me taking the first step. In fact, I start in about 8 minutes - when I'm off work for the rest of the week. Pray for me. :-)
I had a very good Bible study last night. A lot of things were put into perspective in my personal time before our study but it helped to talk things through; not about specifics of what has happened but about what I am learning. I am out of denial that I do certain things that I thought I'd stopped doing. I haven't actually; it's just not as much as before and that is what threw me off. I see that I tend to mold myself to the peole I'm with; I actually still do that. I thought that I was being myself but looking back on my behavior, I hate what I see. I really and truly hate it and I feel ashamed for acting that way. I can't change it or fix it - but I can make sure I don't do it in the future. I can work on making my behavior better and something that Christ would be lifted up by.
As a Christian, I am an example of Christ. But I believe that I'm a really bad one at the moment. I know I'm not completely horrible but I have a lot to work on. I want to be a better example of Christ than I have been - and that is going to mean making some very difficult decisions and getting rid of some things that have become an integral part of my life. I need to remove the temptations and practice better self-control. I lack self-control so much; I can really see that now.
I have a friend who is going on the Walk to Emmaus in two weeks. As I've reflected more on my experiences there, I see that I have allowed myself to forget some of the things that it taught me and have lost a bit of myself. I hate that this has happened. I hate that I can see that it ACTUALLY has happened. Though I know we all fall and take backwards steps sometimes, it's hard when you fully realize that you have. And I have - there's no doubt about that.
Am I a better person than before my walk? Yes - I am. But I was a much better person two years ago than I am now. I've lost a little. However, I don't regret anything that has happened. That's the kicker. I can actually see the joy in the trials. This current trial included. I don't like who I am right now but that only encourages me to change it.
This weekend will have a lot to do with me taking the first step. In fact, I start in about 8 minutes - when I'm off work for the rest of the week. Pray for me. :-)
9.07.2006
Post 156: Growing Up
I had a great chat with my mom last night. Something has been bothering me and I just needed to talk about it. So I did. I sought out her advice even if it meant finding something out about myself that may be hard to accept - which is usually what happens when you're growing up. You start to understand yourself - who you are - and you try fix the things that aren't so good and enhance those that are because, let's face it, we can always be better.
But my mom surprised me. Normally, she always sees the other person's side of things. This time she made mention of it but basically reprimanded me for always asking what is wrong with me. She doesn't understand why I always blame myself for things that I have no control over - like other people's problems and reactions. And then she was supportive of where I am right now. She actually asked me what I really wanted. I told her that I wasn't exactly sure but that this time around I was fighting for something that I'd really like. I told her that right now my number one priority is finding a job that I can pay my bills and pursue my writing. Even if I never publish anything, I can't just sit around and do nothing about it because I "think" nothing will happen. So though I can't make it first in my life, I can still do things in my off time. She seemed to really understand that. Then we talked about other stuff. But it was uplifting for me to have that conversation.
I have been beating myself up about something that I shouldn't be. I have to let it go and move on. And that's what I'm doing as of this moment. I don't know what's going to happen with this situation in the future but I can't let it control my life. And I can't let it affect my newfound self-confidence. I've worked hard to get here and I don't want to go back to being a doormat. I've learned that there are times you turn the other cheek and times you have to take a stand. This is the time for both: turn the other cheek but keep pressing on. Don't let the slap make you cower. Learn from it and take the next step. Otherwise, I'd get nowhere ever - and that is what used to be me. But now, I learn but I take the next step. I'm not letting anyone alter my path unless God has put them there to alter it.
But my mom surprised me. Normally, she always sees the other person's side of things. This time she made mention of it but basically reprimanded me for always asking what is wrong with me. She doesn't understand why I always blame myself for things that I have no control over - like other people's problems and reactions. And then she was supportive of where I am right now. She actually asked me what I really wanted. I told her that I wasn't exactly sure but that this time around I was fighting for something that I'd really like. I told her that right now my number one priority is finding a job that I can pay my bills and pursue my writing. Even if I never publish anything, I can't just sit around and do nothing about it because I "think" nothing will happen. So though I can't make it first in my life, I can still do things in my off time. She seemed to really understand that. Then we talked about other stuff. But it was uplifting for me to have that conversation.
I have been beating myself up about something that I shouldn't be. I have to let it go and move on. And that's what I'm doing as of this moment. I don't know what's going to happen with this situation in the future but I can't let it control my life. And I can't let it affect my newfound self-confidence. I've worked hard to get here and I don't want to go back to being a doormat. I've learned that there are times you turn the other cheek and times you have to take a stand. This is the time for both: turn the other cheek but keep pressing on. Don't let the slap make you cower. Learn from it and take the next step. Otherwise, I'd get nowhere ever - and that is what used to be me. But now, I learn but I take the next step. I'm not letting anyone alter my path unless God has put them there to alter it.
9.05.2006
Post 155: What I WANT to say
Stop right now and remember. Recall your most deeply held desires. Think of your richest blessings. Focus on your most profound joys. What can you do right this moment to build upon and strengthen the very things which give your life meaning?
Have your dreams become buried under the aimless details of everyday life? Is your attention too often dominated by trivial things to the point where there's no time or energy remaining for that which truly matters?
There is a beautiful and powerful meaning to your life under all the noise. Of course you know that. It pays to remember often. When the details and complexities seem overwhelming, keep in mind that there is much, much more to life.
Give time, thought, value and expression to those things which are truly important to you, and those things in turn will bring a depth of richness to your life.
With everything that has happened in my life for the past 48 hours, this quote just rings so true to me. I tried to help a friend but it backfired on me. But what I was trying to say to this person I still stand by. Ralph S. Marston just said it better.
I just thought I should share it with you, in case you find yourself in the same position as I am sometimes. Life can get so busy and so many things keep flying at us that 1) we don't know what to do about it, 2) when we figure out what to do, we don't know what to do first, 3) we can't see how we are acting to other people and 4) we are overstressing in ways that we shouldn't and become destructive to ourselves and everyone around us.
I hope that your situation doesn't end up like mine (with a friendship that is uncertian now) but I have learned from the fall out. I can take those lessons and apply them to my future relationships and to this one in particular. I know what to do (or rather what not to do) the next time this happens. It'll take a while to figure out if there will be a next time in this relationship but sometimes that's what we all need: a little time.
Have your dreams become buried under the aimless details of everyday life? Is your attention too often dominated by trivial things to the point where there's no time or energy remaining for that which truly matters?
There is a beautiful and powerful meaning to your life under all the noise. Of course you know that. It pays to remember often. When the details and complexities seem overwhelming, keep in mind that there is much, much more to life.
Give time, thought, value and expression to those things which are truly important to you, and those things in turn will bring a depth of richness to your life.
~ Copyright Ralph S. Marston, Jr. Used by permission.
With everything that has happened in my life for the past 48 hours, this quote just rings so true to me. I tried to help a friend but it backfired on me. But what I was trying to say to this person I still stand by. Ralph S. Marston just said it better.
I just thought I should share it with you, in case you find yourself in the same position as I am sometimes. Life can get so busy and so many things keep flying at us that 1) we don't know what to do about it, 2) when we figure out what to do, we don't know what to do first, 3) we can't see how we are acting to other people and 4) we are overstressing in ways that we shouldn't and become destructive to ourselves and everyone around us.
I hope that your situation doesn't end up like mine (with a friendship that is uncertian now) but I have learned from the fall out. I can take those lessons and apply them to my future relationships and to this one in particular. I know what to do (or rather what not to do) the next time this happens. It'll take a while to figure out if there will be a next time in this relationship but sometimes that's what we all need: a little time.
9.01.2006
Post 154: Not much to say
I know that may seem so out of character for me but it's true right now. I don't want to be asked, give or be given any more advice; I don't want to talk anymore about my job situation; I don't want to talk anymore about why I'm not married, not dating anyone, never had a boyfriend or even been kissed; I don't want to talk about anything right now. I just want to BE. That's it. I want to relax, be at peace, enjoy the people around me, enjoy my current job, enjoy my surroundings, watch a movie or two, watch football with a few friends and just enjoy life. I want to help people, too.
I'm so tired of everything that I don't want to do anything. Well, I do have this overwhelming desire to finish cleaning our house and my parents car. They so deserve to come home from vacation with a sparkling house and a clean car - especially after the fiasco at the airport. How does a woman with a baby get on the plane with baby formula but my dad who has to take the same type of formula through his feeding tube because of cancer almost get arrested? It doesn't make any sense. It's much easier for a terrorist to be disguised as a mother with a baby than a man who has cancer. He has a tube coming out of his stomach for crying out loud! Give me a freakin' break! He can't eat through his mouth! She can still breastfeed her baby! I am not against allowing mom's to take formula on the plane but when you have a cancer patient who can't eat through his mouth because he has no saliva glands and limited use of his esophagus, they should be allowed the same leniency. I better stop now because this whole thing is making me upset again.
Anyway, I think that I need to have a "quiet" weekend, too. Most of my friends are gone and the one that I thought I'd be able to hang out with has decided to spend it by herself. I have two guys and one other women-friend that are in town but it's unlikely the four of us will hang out much. The guys aren't that into hanging out with me by themself and my other friend doesn't really like to watch football. So this is going to end up being a Miss-Tiffany-is-on-her-own weekend. And maybe that's exactly what I need right now. I mean, I don't want to discuss anything remotely about my life and every time I try not to when I'm with friends, it always ends up about me. I'm wondering if I do that or if people just find that my life is more exciting and unpredictable compared to theirs. I don't know. I'd rather talk about other peoples lives right now than mine but I'm left with three friends who are pretty reserved. I've been friends with the one guy (even had a crush on him for awhile) for over three years and I still don't know why he's almost 40 and not married, etc.
Maybe I'll just go to Edinburgh and do a little shopping. :-) I did get paid today and they allow little dogs in the stores. Buster may not like it so much but he can deal. Everybody loves him there so he'll be okay. I need pants and shoes for fall. And they are a definite need: I have no slacks or closed-toed shoes for interviews or winter, etc. Plus, they are having major sales at all the stores that I like to frequent when there so it's the perfect opportunity.
I thought about asking my friend to go with me but I decided that it would be too tempting for her on her "quiet" weekend. I'd really love her company but I don't want to interrupt a time that she may desperately need. I just hope that she doesn't get mad at me for not telling her that I'm going Saturday. But if I sent her an e-mail about it and she really does need this time, then I'd feel worse for tempting her away from it.
I have to make sure I'm being unselfish in everything that I'm doing right now. I have so many uncertainties in my life that are important they become certainties soon but I can't be so self-involved that I don't see what everyone else around me is going through. On the other hand, I have to be careful that I don't cut myself off from everyone. I feel that I've done that with a few friends (one that has been my closest since I've moved here). I know that these friends have good jobs but stressful onew and deals with other issue on a daily basis - but because my situation has been so stressful, I haven't been able to be there for them and they have found solace in other friends who may be able to help them more than I can right now. However, I don't have to completely cut myself off from them and should interact with them as I used to. I shouldn't be the one to change the relationship just because I feel I'm not as important to them anymore. It may not be that; it could be something else entirely. It's just hard when close friendships change from you calling each other all the time to barely talking once a week - and knowing that a new friend is more in tune with your friend than you are anymore is hard, too. It's the natural state of friendships and relationships - they change every once in the while. And though it may seem to you to be in a bad way, it may be for the good. I've learned to not be so clingly with my friends.
It is a struggle for me since I'm such a social being. I'm so wired to be close to any friend I have that it's hard to sever or weaken any kind of ties. But my current relationships and position in life have forced me to take a different attitude and see from a different perspective. I started thinking, "If I was married and had kids, just how often would I see my friends?" I surmised that it wouldn't be close to as much as I do now. If that is something that God has for me one day (marraige, a family), then I have to learn to not be so clingly to my friends sooner or later. My most important relationship will be with my husband. I'll still have to have close friendships but to make a marraige work for eternity, the number one person in my life needs to be my husband; and in his life, I need to be his number one person. Maybe I'm learning just a glimmer of what is to come in my relationships. Or maybe I'm just bored and want something fun to do this weekend; somethng that has nothing to do with sending out resumes, looking for jobs or even pursuing a writing career. But, then agian, it comes on a weekend when everyone is away.
Maybe this really is Miss-Tiffany-is-on-her-own weekend. :-) I do have a party planned for Monday but I have no clue who is going to show up since basically no one responded. Though I hope some will, I'm going to be a bigger person and not be frantic and call everyone who didn't respond. I'm going to let God bring those who are supposed to come; and if that means nobody comes then I'll deal with it and not let it depress me.
Good luck with that! :-)
I'm so tired of everything that I don't want to do anything. Well, I do have this overwhelming desire to finish cleaning our house and my parents car. They so deserve to come home from vacation with a sparkling house and a clean car - especially after the fiasco at the airport. How does a woman with a baby get on the plane with baby formula but my dad who has to take the same type of formula through his feeding tube because of cancer almost get arrested? It doesn't make any sense. It's much easier for a terrorist to be disguised as a mother with a baby than a man who has cancer. He has a tube coming out of his stomach for crying out loud! Give me a freakin' break! He can't eat through his mouth! She can still breastfeed her baby! I am not against allowing mom's to take formula on the plane but when you have a cancer patient who can't eat through his mouth because he has no saliva glands and limited use of his esophagus, they should be allowed the same leniency. I better stop now because this whole thing is making me upset again.
Anyway, I think that I need to have a "quiet" weekend, too. Most of my friends are gone and the one that I thought I'd be able to hang out with has decided to spend it by herself. I have two guys and one other women-friend that are in town but it's unlikely the four of us will hang out much. The guys aren't that into hanging out with me by themself and my other friend doesn't really like to watch football. So this is going to end up being a Miss-Tiffany-is-on-her-own weekend. And maybe that's exactly what I need right now. I mean, I don't want to discuss anything remotely about my life and every time I try not to when I'm with friends, it always ends up about me. I'm wondering if I do that or if people just find that my life is more exciting and unpredictable compared to theirs. I don't know. I'd rather talk about other peoples lives right now than mine but I'm left with three friends who are pretty reserved. I've been friends with the one guy (even had a crush on him for awhile) for over three years and I still don't know why he's almost 40 and not married, etc.
Maybe I'll just go to Edinburgh and do a little shopping. :-) I did get paid today and they allow little dogs in the stores. Buster may not like it so much but he can deal. Everybody loves him there so he'll be okay. I need pants and shoes for fall. And they are a definite need: I have no slacks or closed-toed shoes for interviews or winter, etc. Plus, they are having major sales at all the stores that I like to frequent when there so it's the perfect opportunity.
I thought about asking my friend to go with me but I decided that it would be too tempting for her on her "quiet" weekend. I'd really love her company but I don't want to interrupt a time that she may desperately need. I just hope that she doesn't get mad at me for not telling her that I'm going Saturday. But if I sent her an e-mail about it and she really does need this time, then I'd feel worse for tempting her away from it.
I have to make sure I'm being unselfish in everything that I'm doing right now. I have so many uncertainties in my life that are important they become certainties soon but I can't be so self-involved that I don't see what everyone else around me is going through. On the other hand, I have to be careful that I don't cut myself off from everyone. I feel that I've done that with a few friends (one that has been my closest since I've moved here). I know that these friends have good jobs but stressful onew and deals with other issue on a daily basis - but because my situation has been so stressful, I haven't been able to be there for them and they have found solace in other friends who may be able to help them more than I can right now. However, I don't have to completely cut myself off from them and should interact with them as I used to. I shouldn't be the one to change the relationship just because I feel I'm not as important to them anymore. It may not be that; it could be something else entirely. It's just hard when close friendships change from you calling each other all the time to barely talking once a week - and knowing that a new friend is more in tune with your friend than you are anymore is hard, too. It's the natural state of friendships and relationships - they change every once in the while. And though it may seem to you to be in a bad way, it may be for the good. I've learned to not be so clingly with my friends.
It is a struggle for me since I'm such a social being. I'm so wired to be close to any friend I have that it's hard to sever or weaken any kind of ties. But my current relationships and position in life have forced me to take a different attitude and see from a different perspective. I started thinking, "If I was married and had kids, just how often would I see my friends?" I surmised that it wouldn't be close to as much as I do now. If that is something that God has for me one day (marraige, a family), then I have to learn to not be so clingly to my friends sooner or later. My most important relationship will be with my husband. I'll still have to have close friendships but to make a marraige work for eternity, the number one person in my life needs to be my husband; and in his life, I need to be his number one person. Maybe I'm learning just a glimmer of what is to come in my relationships. Or maybe I'm just bored and want something fun to do this weekend; somethng that has nothing to do with sending out resumes, looking for jobs or even pursuing a writing career. But, then agian, it comes on a weekend when everyone is away.
Maybe this really is Miss-Tiffany-is-on-her-own weekend. :-) I do have a party planned for Monday but I have no clue who is going to show up since basically no one responded. Though I hope some will, I'm going to be a bigger person and not be frantic and call everyone who didn't respond. I'm going to let God bring those who are supposed to come; and if that means nobody comes then I'll deal with it and not let it depress me.
Good luck with that! :-)
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