Post 156: Growing Up

I had a great chat with my mom last night. Something has been bothering me and I just needed to talk about it. So I did. I sought out her advice even if it meant finding something out about myself that may be hard to accept - which is usually what happens when you're growing up. You start to understand yourself - who you are - and you try fix the things that aren't so good and enhance those that are because, let's face it, we can always be better.

But my mom surprised me. Normally, she always sees the other person's side of things. This time she made mention of it but basically reprimanded me for always asking what is wrong with me. She doesn't understand why I always blame myself for things that I have no control over - like other people's problems and reactions. And then she was supportive of where I am right now. She actually asked me what I really wanted. I told her that I wasn't exactly sure but that this time around I was fighting for something that I'd really like. I told her that right now my number one priority is finding a job that I can pay my bills and pursue my writing. Even if I never publish anything, I can't just sit around and do nothing about it because I "think" nothing will happen. So though I can't make it first in my life, I can still do things in my off time. She seemed to really understand that. Then we talked about other stuff. But it was uplifting for me to have that conversation.

I have been beating myself up about something that I shouldn't be. I have to let it go and move on. And that's what I'm doing as of this moment. I don't know what's going to happen with this situation in the future but I can't let it control my life. And I can't let it affect my newfound self-confidence. I've worked hard to get here and I don't want to go back to being a doormat. I've learned that there are times you turn the other cheek and times you have to take a stand. This is the time for both: turn the other cheek but keep pressing on. Don't let the slap make you cower. Learn from it and take the next step. Otherwise, I'd get nowhere ever - and that is what used to be me. But now, I learn but I take the next step. I'm not letting anyone alter my path unless God has put them there to alter it.