Boys, boys, boys

I guess I should be saying men, men, men. But all men are boys; all boys are not men so I guess we'll stick with calling them boys. There's a song that I really have come to like a lot lately. It's a love song but an innocent one. It's not one of the usual "all about sex" love songs that seem to dominate the airwaves, discustingly so. The chorus goes like this:

"I don't want another pretty face; I don't want just anyone to hold. I don't want my love to go to waste. I want you and your beautiful soul. You're the one I want to chase, you're the one I want to hold. I won't let another minute go to waste; I want you and your beautiful soul."

Wow, that's how I feel; how I've always felt. But especially the third sentence: I don't want my love to go to waste. I've seen that with my own eyes; my parents divorced and though it was the right decision, I know I don't want that. I want to find that person who will be in it with me for the long haul; and I with him. I may be too old for the 50 year anniversary dream, but that's really what I want. I want someone's beautiful soul; and I want to give my beautiful soul completely away to that person forever. And that includes wanting Christ to stand firmly at the center of the two of us, for everyone to see. I guess I want it all, huh?

I see how some unions are just so blessed and precious. Tessa and Korry are a great example. How blessed is their relationship; even before their marraige. People who know them know that Christ is their center - always. I can't even say that about myself weekly. I know that I am in a desert place right now; I know that I'm growing and being disciplined and that I have to go through this to grow stronger in my faith and with Christ. My only hope through this is that I can become the woman of a future partnership where my husband is even more firmly planted with Christ than I am. Not that I won't be even stronger in my faith at the end of this but that he can further encourage me and I can encourage/compliment him in his faith. I am also a bit old-fashioned when it comes to the man and woman roles but that doesn't mean that I don't have a little of that "independent" woman inside me. She's definitely there and needs to be satisfied; which I'm hoping to do with my writing and other gifts. But there is a balance that can be reached between a husband and a wife; and I hope that he and I can find that balance one day - to be respectful of each others needs.

I know it seems silly to be writing about these things when there is no man in my life suitable for even dating. I've met some really great guys lately; but there are no sparks or romantic chemistry. However, without trying, I've grown in my knowledge of who God wants for me through these new friendships. It's uplifting to finally know that it is a desire of God's heart for me to be married, have a family; this desire that has burned within me so long is from Him. It's not just a desire that I have; it's one He has for me.

For example, I met a really nice "boy" last night. He's a friend of Alisa's. I was hanging out at her place and he joined us to watch the Olympics and dinner. He was pleasant to be around; he didn't seem to be at all offended or annoyed by my outspokenness with sports; and he had a clean mouth. I don't know if he's a Christian but I enjoyed the fact that I could be myself around some strange guy and not feel bad in any way about it. That helped me last night to see that there are guys out there that are actually gentleman and fun to hang with without the whole "ooh, does he like me thing," going on in my head - or his, for that matter. I so believe that friendships between men and women are important to have before anything serious starts. You have to really know someone before you can trust them with your life. I'm not saying that this will happen between me and him (I'll probalby never see him again) but it's encouraging to be yourself around the opposite sex and not have that pressure to impress them. It's given me confidence to be more real with "strange men" because who knows if the next one I meet will be The One? In the meantime, I might just make some really cool friends. :-)