Drink from This Water

"You'll never find her story in a fairytale 'cause she was unlike the other women at the well. Her life was full of pain, hurt, rejection, her loneliness she didn't want to show. But Jesus saw the desert in her soul. Drink from this water; drink from this water and you will never, you'll never thirst again. Drink from this water; drink from this water. You will never, you'll never thirst again.

We all search for something to fill us up inside. But it's only an illusion, you know a true love's hard to find. But I'm here to tell you there's one place your thirst is quenched forevermore. You will never leave there disappointed, you'll find what you are longing for. Drink from this water; drink from this water and you will never, you'll never thirst again. Drink from this water; drink from this water and you will never, you'll never thirst again.

And oh, Jesus will meet you at the place of every need, and only He can make the wounded whole and make the blind man see. Drink from this water; drink from this water and you will never, you'll never thirst again. Drink from this water; drink from this water. You will never, you'll never thirst again. Drink from this water; drink from the living water and you will never, you'll never thirst again. Drink from this water; drink from this water. You will never, you'll never thirst again."

The lyrics to the song above is what I've listened to over and over this morning - a time that my heart is full of anger, resentment, sorrow and selfishness. I've had trouble keeping them in check but everything and everybody around me continue to do things that increase them; instead of decreasing them. I try to give people the benefit of the doubt; I try to let things go like I used to. But when you are held accountable for everything but the other person isn't, it makes living hard. When do you say, "Hey, it's great that we talk about stuff but when are you going to be as accountable as you want me to be?" I'm tired of being so open and honest and then everyone else holding back.

Sometimes when you are completely honest, it backfires. But at least you didn't lie about it; hopefully one day that person will see your honesty as a good part of your character. I've told a friend before that there was a time that I was angry and in that moment I probably did react in a way that intentionally wanted to make them feel as hurt as I did. I'm not the only person in this world that has ever done that, though, but I'm blamed for it. You don't mean to do it but at the time you just can't be rational. Looking back on it and discussing it, I was honest with them. I didn't feel that way now but it didn't seem to matter - "That hurts" was all I heard. Okay, so that's strike one on me.

I know I'm not perfect but I try to be the best I can. I try not to be selfish; but this last year has been horrible. Things aren't back to normal and they never will be. My stepdad will always be recovering from cancer; my grandfather is still fighting it; I still don't know what to do with my life; and now I'm wondering if any of my friends are really my friends. There are about two I can name right at this moment that isn't mad at me or isn't annoyed with me. I really am not trying to inspire those feelings toward me but somehow that's how they feel.

So this song has helped to calm me. We all have something in our past, present, or future that Jesus died to save us from; to show us that we can let it go. I'm going to try to let go of this anger, resentment, sorrow and selfishness today. I'm going to try one more time to step aside and let people/friends do what they will and live how they are used to living. I'm coming to see that it isn't how I want to live my life. I also see that if I had no friends I still would be the wealthiest woman on earth because Jesus is at my side, always without fail. I can always turn to Him when things get rough. He just says, "Here, drink this. It will make you feel better." You do and you feel alive, refreshed, and loved. Then He gives you a great big hug and everything is alright again, completely. And even if that hug included a little constructive criticism, it's still the best hug ever. I really needed to hear this song this morning. I needed to be reminded that there are bigger things than myself and my situations. If my friends choose not to talk to me about stuff, I can't help that. But I can't just sit here and be told what to do either. I can be patient though and I can go about my day in a way that glorifies the Lord. I can trust Him to rectify the situation in His perfect way. So that's what I'm going to do today. It's a busy day, too, so that will help me stay calm about things.

I love Him; I really do. Sometimes it doesn't look like it but I have a faith that is really strong. No matter how depressed I may get (and how angry I may get because no one on this earth ever recognizes it), He's always there to pull me back. He's always there to tell me that He loves me more than anyone ever could. And that's the greatest feeling ever. I am never alone because He won't ever let me be - He walks with me everyday, everywhere I go, everything I do. Like the sinner that I am, I just forget that He's there. But, today, I don't want to forget Him so today I'm going to tie myself to Him and we can walk each step together - legs joined by the unbreakable bond called "Salvation."