Countdown 3 plus the future

49 days and counting....I had to do the countdown today because it's one of my favorite numbers. Yes, those who know me know exactly why: it's because of my beloved SF 49ers. :-)

You know, the future is very open right now: meaning I have no idea where I'm supposed to go from this point. I'm trying to figure out a way to get out of debt faster while finding a career. I love Ballroom dancing and I'm good at teaching it but I just don't see a career because physically I can't teach all day and I don't see any possibility of furthering my career at the studio beyond being an instructor (the reasons for which I'll keep to myself for now).

So, I'm now actually considering going back to school - and I have several degree options to consider. My first action though is to get my transcripts and figure out requirements to either do a second major or apply for a Master's - of which I have to cough up $9 just for a piece of paper at an institution that I gave over $14,000 already. But it will be worth it and $9 isn't necessarily going to break my bank account.

Consideration #2 is the continuation of finding a full-time job with benefits. This has been and is an on-going process. So, I have to keep it up even though I will be checking out other options. There could be that perfect job out there for me but it just isn't time yet. I have to be patient and keep sending out those resumes.

Consideration #3 is to check out this Toastmasters thing. My boss at the H-T informed me of the organization - it helps people become better public speakers (and meets way earlier than I ever get up). She said that it might also look good on my resume. I need to look into that soon.

Consideration #4 is to seriously think about taking cooking classes or going to Culinary school. I love to cook for people and entertain. Why not make money at it?

Consideration #5 is that maybe I'm not supposed to have a career but am in certain places so that I find that special someone in order to start a family and be a mom and wife. But, really, isn't that what I'm doing right now? Until something changes, this is where I'm at: waiting for something to happen to me that's positive like a relationship or a sound career.

But the relationship thing, while I want one badly, I don't think is the end all/be all to my life. I'd love just to date someone that has the possibility of becoming a commited relationship. I don't want to date anyone that is going to put pressure on me or himself to have something serious right away - even because I'm closing in on 30 and my biological clock is getting louder. And though it would be nice that the first person I kiss is the only person I kiss for the rest of my life, I know that it's not realistic. So I may have a few relationships before I find him. I just would like the searching to finally start - I mean, I've waited patiently for nearly 30 years; I should at least be rewarded with a boyfriend this year (even if it doesn't last forever).

On the other hand, I'm not sure that any man is going to accept me for who I am: not a supermodel...not incredibly smart though I'm definitely not a dimwit...am outgoing and outspoken...strong when I need to be but still need comforting...and someone who likes to relax. Most of the Christian men I know are very reserved, boring and not-aggressive enough to ask a girl out; they prefer to be pursued (which is backwards thinking). They also want these camera-ready women who seem to have the perfect body, bra-size and are at least as successful as them. I don't fit into that category and I've not found a guy that likes sports as much as I do, accepts/respects my knowledge and finds me to be attractive inside and out. So I find it hard to believe that there is anyone out there for me. I am a bit clumsy - physically and in life. There are times that I just have to laugh at the situations that I sometimes get myself into and I need somebody who is going to laugh with me - not at me.

Plus, I always seem to be attracted to men that will never be attracted to me. So the one time that it's mutual, maybe he'll be the one. Again, I hightly doubt it since I've never been attracted to the men who like me (which have never been compatible with me in the first place so I don't know why they're even attracted). It's just a vicious cycle that I wish would finally end by either God blatantly telling me that I'm supposed to be single or Him finally giving me a reason to hope. Either way, I don't have time to concern myself with it because I have to pay my bills - and focusing on this doesn't pay the bills. Though it would make things a bit easier if someone of the opposite sex thought me to be "amazing, gorgeous, talented" (and I thought of him the same way) - it would definitely improve my self-esteem.