Death and Babies and Boyfriends

Wow, though I am supposed to be finally unpacking my bags from vacation and cleaning my apartment, I've just watched three shows...not every second of them but enough. And I can only say Wow. That is what each one has left me with...Wow. The thoughts are in my head are big and overwhelming but good.

How do you deal with death of a loved one, whether dog, cat, mother, brother, sister, father. Or death of a soul, your soul, a friendship, a love, a life. How do you react, how do take the next step, how do you stop it? Yes, you can stop it...maybe not literally but metaphorically? How do you start to stop what is already in progress? And where do you begin? How do you stop something from happening...but, more importantly, why? What is your reason? Why does it have to be stopped? One of the shows I watched tonight was Private Practice. One of the storylines really grabbed my attention...actually, that isn't true, they all did. The doctor who didn't wait to look at a patient's chart and died because of it; the 12 year old girl whose mother allowed her to have sex just to prevent her from being promiscuous but ended up pregnant and promiscuous; and the doctor who almost cheated with a patient's husband. They all had a decision to make...they all had to decide to continue down the path they had so dangerously walked upon or to turn away to a narrower path. We have so many choices to make everyday and they all have consequences. Sometimes we make the wrong ones and have to step up and take responsibility for it (them). But a lot of us end up playing the blame game. It's somebody else's fault; it was what they did to lead me to make the decision that I made. It's the "it's okay for me to blame everyone else because everyone else made me this way." I learned this from them; and that's all I know. To me, that's death. That's not life; it's not mine; I have no control or no right to make my own decisions when I blame everything else on everyone else, when at the end of the day it's my decision to make...not theirs.

These shows, though it's television and not my Bible, made that argument. But my Bible tells me why it's my choice and my responsibility and my ability to conquer death...whatever type of death it is. I can always choose to do the right thing, get better, love instead of hate, understand instead of feel and do a 180 and finding the narrow path instead of continuing down the wide, angry and hurtful path. God gave me my person, my being, my ability to walk, run, think, love, live and choose. It's not up to anyone else to dictate who I am...but it's up to me to make the right choice...and just sometimes like I make the wrong ones, there are some times that I make the right ones. :-) And no matter how hard he right decision is, it's always the right one to make. That's why it's right.

I've gotten too tired to finish the Babies and boyfriends part...but I will say this much: as much as us women talk about babies and boyfriends, we also like our independence, too. So guys, it's not just you that has commitment problems. We want our space and our individually intact, too. Some of us just want to do it with you there...you...our witness in life, our support, our encourager, our love. But it's just as hard for us to commit to you...sometimes even to a first date or just returning the "I like you look"...because it's a life change for us, too. Just remember that we're precious, fragile, beautiful disasters, just like you. We just want to be with the right beautiful disaster...the one that makes us and you just beautiful.