When Leaders Lose Their Souls...

..."Something is not quite right." Yep...it's a little harsh to point out about myself. But it's what was happening, truly. My identity...the one that I kept hearing about last year at conferences, in books, in scripture, out of peoples mouths...was becoming invisible, and I was letting it. And I didn't know what to do about it. I had no clue where to go, who to listen to, who not to listen to or what first step to take. There were a lot of steps...I just didn't know which one came first. It was a maze...which is ironic because I like mazes. Not a lot of people know that about me. As a kid, I liked the crossword puzzles and finding the words and circling them, but what I really loved was taking the pencil and trying to find the right path out of the maze. I loved it! And I was pretty good at it. But the maze recently in my life had many more blank walls and dead ends than I was used to. It was one maze that I kept having to turn around, taking wrong turns, rethink my steps and start over.

But I don't have to start over anymore. I know the first step...and I've already taken it. And that makes me feel good. I wasn't sure if I was hearing anything that God was telling me clearly...at all! There were so many distractions...good ones...but not good at the time. I see what I have to do more clearly, and that is a huge change. It doesn't mean I know exactly where all this is going or how the journey will shape but...I know now that I'm on the right path....and so far, I don't see any dead ends ahead.

It's gonna be hard though. Besides my own personal research in certain areas of improving my leadership skills, I also have to research for my book, car insurance, settling with the other drivers insurance, and getting myself in a better financial position....and there is one other thing that I am not revealing here. That's one thing I don't have to share; and it makes me a little mysterious. Kind cool...I am a writer. :-) Anyway, it's a lot to take on...but I've learned that I have to take it on one step at a time.

It's also gotten a lot easier since my social life is less dramatic. I'm not so intertwined with everyone I know...which is a lot of people. I know that I am blessed to have so many people in my life...good, loving, amazing people...and I want to make it clear that this isn't about them. But I was gravitating toward all the drama that was unnecessary between a few of them. I was in the middle of a lot of things...and things that I had no business being in the middle of....so I finally got smart and left. Not those particular friends; just the drama. I learned that though I may not be a prototypical drama queen, I can be prone to drama...finding it, getting involved in it and sometimes fostering it without even knowing it. So I got smart just like I know that I am...and I'm a lot smarter than I usually give myself credit for. :-)

Anyway, I won't lose my soul when I know something isn't right. I have to make sure that I am with Him everyday...first, for me...then, for everyone else. Because if I'm not okay, then how am I supposed to help others? I want to help others and be someone that anyone who meets me knows from the beginning that they can trust me. So, I'm working on that first. Step one...now, it's time for step two.

To be continued...