Seriously, I am ready for something exciting to happen to me...good exciting. And not just something for today. It really needs to be something for my entire life. It's not that I don't appreciate the little things that sometimes come daily; they're nice, too. But I think it's about time that something went right for me. I'm sorry; I just don't want to be the friend anymore that is constantly looking for a job, a date, a career, a way to feel important. I want for something to finally happen. No more cancer in my family; no more submerging into debt; no more getting depressed because everyone thinks I'm great but I can't seem to get them to give me a job that will utilize my many skills.
Dang it - if I'm supposed to be a writer and feel so strongly about it, why can't I finally be one! Sometimes I feel like I'm writing for absolutely nothing! And then at the times that I'm most inspired, my stupid computer decides to break down and 'gasp' stops the keyboard from actually typing! Then I get so frustrated trying to fix it that I forget the brilliant idea I had in the first place - so I'm not even able to handwrite it. Ugh! I'm so frustrated that I'm almost making myself ill. Ugh!
The only thing that is good that is happening now is that I've been to the gym every morning this week and did my full exercise routine and actually gotten to work early or on time. I'm usually able to make myself feel better and find patience. But I'm losing my ability to do that - even with friends reminding me that I'm a good person and will find the right things at the right time. I know that they are right but can I be upset and annoyed for once in my life?! I try so hard to just let things go (and sometimes so much so that it isn't good for my sanity) but I'm just at a point in my life that I want things to go better. Have I actually seen the good in my life pass me by? Am I never ever going to get to a place where I can stand on my own or at least stand somewhat equal with my future mate in anything: spiritually, financially, emotionally, physically?
I don't know. I don't know a lot right now but I do know that I have to cling to things that make me happy - like Poker nights, 4th of July parties, going to the movies and generally hanging out with all the friends of mine that I completely trust and accept me for who I am (even if right now I'm so lost, confused and frustrated that I don't even like being around me).
Oh, yeah - and I even forgot to go to Bible study Tuesday. Yeah, it totally slipped my mind - though I got an e-mail and responded to it and everything. I just forgot. Things so need to change for the better soon. That's hard to see since we even have bad storms in our forcast for today. I really don't want it to storm today but I can't control the weather so I'll have to deal with it the best I can.
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