...actually, I'm out of control. Well, I'm not so much out of control as I find myself too much like a character in a book I just started reading today. Oh, how this Kristin Billerbeck knows the Christian woman's mind and character! She knows me! And she knows that guys don't understand us...me. :-)
Why is it so hard nowadays? Isn't it supposed to be easy? If it's supposed to be easy, then why isn't? I feel like I need to yell and scream at the top of my lungs but if I do that, I know things will only get worse.
I've just had so many conversations lately with Christian men, Christian women and non-believers about men vs. woman, that I just want to scream! Why is it that when I've finally made the decision to let go of all this stuff that it immediately rears it's ugly head right back into my life? I'm actually trying to let go of this stuff - but it isn't letting go of me. I feel so much like Ashley that I can't even laugh about it. I just want to find a good job, pay off my bills and start a family. Is that so much to ask? Can't things just work out for once? I'm so frustrated that I feel like a broken record.
I don't want to even be thinking about these things and I've tried desperately not to (no matter how much I've written on this blog). I'm starting to get the feeling that I can never not talk about this subject. It may be physically, mentally, socially and emotionally impossible for me to stop thinking about this subject until I have my first boyfriend. But I so just want to not worry about it anymore.
Please pray for me - seriously. I need to stop being around these types of conversations. It's driving me crazy! It keeps reminding me of where I've never been but where I want to be one day. I have too much right now to think about without this clouding my mind. I need it to go or to be resolved somehow.
Lord - Help!
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