So, I don't know if I've ever said anything about this but I had a seizure disorder as a child. It ended as abruptly as it started. It lasted for 9 years. I don't have epilepsy but I am allergic to one of the main medications that treats seizures. The reason why I'm talking about this now is that I just got into a conversation with a coworker about it. It started by her asking if I was tired and I said yes that I'd had a nightmare. From there I explained that I became more prone to nightmares after my seizures ended. I've struggled with having such a sensitive mind since then. It isn't as bad as it was when I was younger and it does have a direct connection to my writing skills but it is a daily problem. I know that maybe I should go to counseling about it but I've lived with it for this long; and I can control it somewhat. In fact, last night's nightmare had to do with me not wearing my medic alert currently. I haven't for the last week and I think someone's trying to tell me to put it back on. In my nightmare, I have a very bad seizure in front of friends at a party this weekend and am not wearing my medic alert bracelet. Luckily, I've been pretty vocal about my allergies so my friends know in my dream to tell the paramedics what I'm allergic to so they give me the right medication.
Anyway, after hearing my history, she was amazed on how I just picked up my bootstraps and just went on with my life. She sees me as just a well-adjusted person that she never would of thought I had anything like that happen to me. It was a little different to get that reaction. I've never gotten that type of reaction before from anyone. I guess there are people in this world that can't get over their problems. I did and I can see that that is a very good disposition/personality/outlook to have. I guess I just never thought of it that way. I grew with people saying, "Get over it. Don't be a wuss," that I never realized that there are people in this world that don't have the support or the inner strength to do that. It's a special thing to have.
And I see that I have that with this job thing. Yes, I do think my stress over this job thing is coming out in my nightmares (I've had several over the last week) but I know that I will find something soon. I have finally been seeing some progress and getting some positive feedback in this job search. But something my coworker said to me really struck me: It's important to take care of yourself when you absolutely need to but don't stop looking for the thing that makes you happy. Any old job is for some people and not for others. When you have an opportunity to pursue what you really want (and it will support you sufficiently), do it because you don't want to have any regrets.
See, and that's exactly what I think. I'm in a position now that I need a full-time job with benefits; but I can't let that stop me from doing what I truly love. I have to continue that even as I start my new job - whatever that may be - because there will be a time that I will be able to pursue it fully and I need to be ready to do that.
I needed the encouragement today; that nightmare really took something out of me.
I guess I need to get that medic alert back on and keep writing. And, hopefully soon I'll have that full-time job. I just have to be patient, responsible and disciplined. :-)
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