Post 127: Things are developing quickly, I hope

Okay, two things: I found out a little more about myself and I got two surprising phone calls. First, I came home to a message on my answering machine about a job opportunity. In the last 18 hours, I've talked to the staffing company twice and the person at the actual company once. I know that I'm definitely getting an interview. That's a plus. And it's here in Bloomington, has great benefits and is a company that she said had a lot of Christian employees/values. I didn't even ask her that. She just started rolling off facts and added that to it. Very good sign.

The second call coincides with me finding out a little more about myself. When I'm alone with a guy I like and I know he doesn't feel the same, I get very nervous, tongue-tied and find myself getting really fidgety - it has always been this way but until now, I thought it was a phase. It is not, apparently. Case in point: last night people came over to watch the space shuttle and space station pass overhead (it was really, really cool) but one person in particular (who has never called my home number, I might add) called to come over early and play cards. I didn't think anything of it since another friend was going to be there at the same time - I thought I was safe. I found myself, however, alone with this person for 20 minutes; my other friend was late. That was a good thing, right? Wrong. I was so uncomfortable. And it wasn't because of him; it was because of me not wanting to be alone with him for fear I'd let on something that he doesn't need to know. The last thing I want to do is make him feel weird around me. And I'm thanking God right now that he doesn't read this blog. I so don't need him knowing any of this until I have successfully moved on - if there is anything to move on from in the first place. I feel like I'm still in high school. It's really kind of annoying. Why can't I finally grow up in this area?

The other thing I learned about myself is that maybe, even though I have the desire to have a family one day, that I may have a long way to go since I can't seem to attract the right guys yet. I'm attracted to the right type of guys, just not the right one. That is further frustrating me.

So I'm very thankful for the interview coming up - it will keep my mind off things in my life that I seem to have no control over (feelings) and focus on things that will help me become financially stable (getting out of debt, finding a good job with benefits so I can keep writing on the side).

With one good thing, usually there's something that comes to complicate it. Maybe this is it. I can handle this...I can, really. I'm not a complete idiot but sometimes...I kind of wonder. :-)