Post 130: Antsy Pants

K - so I've come to a bit of a conclusion...I'm crazy...or at least getting antsy. My friend in CA might have just hit the nail on the head. To her, I seem very uncomfortable where I am and with her knowledge of my tendencies, usually when I get this antsy and uncomfortable in basically every aspect of my life things are changing. I started to think about that and you know what? She's right. Every time I feel this way (like I'm a child with ADHD; actually that's not too far from the truth but that's a whole other story we won't go into right now - another blog, another day), things do change in my life. I am uncomfortable - even to the point that I don't want to be home and am finding ways to be out and about (whether that's helping a friend move or eating or shopping or working out). I've made myself busy because I hate where I am. I really and truly absolutely hate it.

And that's partly why I'm stuck on this guy thing - DUH! He and I are friends - and though I can't look at him when he smiles or be close to him a lot because I feel all weak inside - he is just a friend. He's always been that way and there is nothing I can do about it. I'm focusing on it because it gets me out of my life for a moment. In fact, I've tried to encourage him, cooked for him, baked for him, let him come over early before some events, given him space and prayed for him. I can't do anything else and I shouldn't. Period. It's his turn but if it isn't meant to be, then you know what? That's okay. God has someone even better for me and that's exciting to know. But what God wants, I want. So, if it is meant to be, even for a little while, I'll follow through.

Otherwise, that's it. I'm not pursuing this further on my blog. I'm focusing on my job search, my writing and all the other crazy stuff that happens in my life. Seriously, I am a klutz! The moment I think I've gotten a handle on it, I'll bump my knee, hit my funny bone and stub my toe in a two minute period! Right now, I have a bruise on my ankle, one on my knee, one on my left thigh and smashed my finger between two 30 lb. boxes of rental guides. God must have created me for comic relief - at least partly. I mean, how can you have small feet (5 1/2 narrow) and manage to still trip over them? All I'm saying is that I'm blessed to have a small chest - if I was an ounce larger in that area, I'd fall over!