Post 128: Sophmoric tendencies

I am a child when it comes to dating. I have some little button that gets pressed when I get too close to a guy. It's kind of like that game show "Press Your Luck." I pretty much always land on whammies (boy, that was really a fun show - I loved when they got whammies). I'm seriously confused (or corn-fused is you're more used to the local lingo). I don't want to be attracted to any man that isn't attracted back. And if (that's a big IF) this one particular guy is attracted to me, well, he's going at a snails pace and I've about had it. I had a guy at a wedding this weekend talk to me like an adult and somewhat flirt with me from the moment we met. It was so nice. I didn't really flirt but I was attracted to the man and found myself very interested in what he was saying...and I held my own when we differed. I think he respected me for that. I don't think he'll ask me out but it was nice to have an adult conversation without your age or anything like that getting in the way. Still, I went home still feeling like a child when it comes to the opposite sex but slightly more confident.

I'm so not wanting to play any games. I wish I could just tell this guy that for some reason I'm attracted to him and if he is okay with that then we should go out. If he isn't, then maybe we should not see each other for awhile - at least until I can figure out where these feelings are coming from and why. But this is so not me; and I believe the guys should pursue the women they are interested in. Of course, when they do express interest, we (as women) have to meet them halfway. I can do that but only if he actually expresses interest in a way that is obvious. To his credit, he is a bit older and probably a lot more experienced than me so he could be very gunshy. Still, I've learned by this point in my life that if you don't go after you want, no matter what it costs you, you'll always wonder. I'm going after my writing career; I may fall flat on my face and end up so financially strapped that I have to claim bankrupcy but if I don't try, then I'm a coward. So, I'm doing it. I'm trying to find a way to afford to do it by getting any full-time job with benefits that I can do well enough for a few years while I pursue my goals. Then, if it doesn't work out, at least I'll know and have no regrets - and I'll be further out of debt - so I can pursue the next avenue.

When it comes to dating though, God makes it clear that he should pursue us. So I'm not wavering on that. I kind of want this wedding guy to want to spend more one on one time with me. I wouldn't go on a date, date with him yet but I'd at least meet him for coffee just to chat a bit more. We really didn't talk that much at the wedding alone but we chat enough for me to get to know him better personally. He seems like he'd be a good friend at least. Who knows? There's usually a three day waiting period. If it comes to Thursday and I haven't heard from him, then I know he was just a passing acquaintance. However, I do feel the urge to pray for him. I think he needs to find some peace. He's had a rough time of it, I think, so I want to pray God's peace over him. I think if he can find some peace, he'll be able to get over some of his past pains.